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    Ride To Church

    A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to…
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    Sorry I'm Late

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    Letter Order

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    Toaster Request

    When my son was two or three and learning the ways of American life, he watched me place…
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    Do As I Say!

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    Battle Hymn of Term Finals

    Mine eyes have seen the horrorOf the ending of the termIt has poisoned all my spiritsLike…
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    Overdue Rent

    Walpole had lived in his loft for six months, and by now it was filled with the paintings…
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    Children's Message

    A pastor was giving the children's message during church. For this part of the service,…
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    The Cautious Pilot

    Taxiing down the tarmac, a jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the…
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    Teapot Computer

    The secretary in our mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a…
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    Let's See If I Get Anything

    My eldest daughter got married at the end of last summer and is now in the process of…
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    Office Culture

    The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd…
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    Old Goats

    A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a…
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    Wacky Definitions

    Gravity: Not just a good idea, it's the law!Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than normal…
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    Forgive Your Enemies

    The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a…
So there's this fella with a parrot.  And this parrot swears like a sailor,

I mean he's a pistol.  He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.  Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.  One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!".

But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.  Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK, that's it for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.  This really ticks the bird off and he claws and scratches until the guy finally lets him out.  When he's out the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make even a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible ruckus.  The bird kicks and claws and trashes.  Then it suddenly gets quiet, very quiet...  At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you.  I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded.  He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.  Just then the parrot says, "By the way, what on earth did that chicken do anyway?"
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