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    Things to do When Your ISP Goes Down

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    Overdue at the Movies

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    Laws of Computing

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    Signs Found In The Kitchen

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    Calling For Technical Support

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    Immigrations Card

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    Prison Joke Book

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    Need a Push

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    Lost In The Translation

    Two diners at a very swanky eatery were shocked to see on the menu a dish of…
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    Actual Church Bulletin Bloopers

    (From the Archives back in 1999)1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other…
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    Resume Help

    My husband, an auto mechanic, was looking for higher-paying work and asked me to write…
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    Dear Milkman…

    Dear Milkman..."Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one.""Please…
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    Vacation Report

    Christmas Break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She…
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    Red, White and Blue

    A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American."Our…
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    Wedding Blessing

    At a wedding ceremony that I was performing, I raised my hand to give the final…
So there's this fella with a parrot.  And this parrot swears like a sailor,

I mean he's a pistol.  He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself.  Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy.  One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!".

But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever.  Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK, that's it for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.  This really ticks the bird off and he claws and scratches until the guy finally lets him out.  When he's out the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make even a veteran sailor blush.

At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible ruckus.  The bird kicks and claws and trashes.  Then it suddenly gets quiet, very quiet...  At first the guy just waits, but then he starts to think that the bird may be hurt. After a couple of minutes of silence, he's so worried that he opens up the freezer door.

The bird calmly climbs onto the man's outstretched arm and says, "Awfully sorry about the trouble I gave you.  I'll do my best to improve my vocabulary from now on."

The man is astounded.  He can't understand the transformation that has come over the parrot.  Just then the parrot says, "By the way, what on earth did that chicken do anyway?"
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