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More Jokes

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    Technical Terms for the Strictly Amish

    Log on: making a wood stove hotterLog off: don't add no more woodMonitor: keeping an eye…
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    Thoughts on Genealogy

    ~ Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.~ I trace my family history so I will…
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    Noise Abatement

    "Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise…
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    Bagel Shop Student

    "Hello Mrs. Frobisher" said the bearded guy behind the counter at the bagel shop. My…
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    Yard Sale Anger

    A woman was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said…
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    Hymns For Professionals

    DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS:…
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    Computer Support Woes

    Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee: *Note the word 'former'…
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    Telephone Answering Ordeal

    A woman was at home with her children when the telephone rang. In going to answer it, she…
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    Classmate Reunion

    While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed…
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    Great Exercise Program

    Here's the exercise program I'm using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…
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    Cherokee Language

    A Cherokee Indian was a special guest at an elementary school. He talked to the children…
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    Seniors' Special

    We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the "Seniors' Special" was two eggs, bacon,…
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    Saintly Sons

    Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He…
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    Baseball Doctor

    As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment…
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    Haircut Conversations

    *A Woman's Conversation About a Haircut:*Oh! That's so cute!Do you think so? I wasn't…

You know you're growing old when..

You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.

The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car-in the "ten items or less" lane.

You've stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.

You've found yourself discussing the weather.

You remember your kid's names, just not always the right one.

You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.

Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.

You buy "age-defying" makeup and "anti-wrinkle" creams and believe they work.

You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.

You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.

You've had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic-"for the last time in a generation"

Wal-Mart and Target seem to share your fashion sense.

The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.

You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag-in less than five minutes.

You know what Earth Shoes are.

You think if you hear "Stairway to Heaven" one more time your head will explode.

Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.

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