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    Little Benny

    Little Benny came home from his first day of school and said, "Mommy, the teacher was…
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    Mr. Jones Is History

    Mr. Jones, the elementary school principal, made it a practice to visit the classes from…
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    Duelling Judges

    Tyler and Katz, two judges, were each arrested on speeding charges. When they arrived in…
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    Fatherly Chat

    A young woman brings home her fiancĂ© to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells…
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    Dieting Buddies

    Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on…
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    Medical News

    Dr. Mike Wilson asks his patient, "Which do you want first, the good news or the bad…
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    Funny Quotes

    Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.- Red Buttons Did…
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    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy

    Side Effects of a Life in Comedy* Recurring nightmare: as your "Harpo Meets Teller"…
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    Goober Interview

    The executive was interviewing a goober for a position in his company.He wanted to find…
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    Thesaurus Collision

    Two trucks loaded with a thousand copies of Roget's Thesaurus collided as they left a New…
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    Older Parents

    We had our ten-year-old daughter late in life, long after our two boys were born. She is…
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    Special Message

    "Skipper," the sailor said to his captain as he saluted, "A special message just came in…
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    Offering Encouragement

    A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.One Sunday he…
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    Big Toe Tingle

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
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    To The Rescue

    One dark night outside a small town, a fire started inside the local chemical plant.…

You know you're growing old when..

You've come to the annoying realization that your parents were right about almost everything.

The bag boy volunteers to help load groceries into your car-in the "ten items or less" lane.

You've stopped supporting your children, and started supporting your parents.

You've found yourself discussing the weather.

You remember your kid's names, just not always the right one.

You have nightmares about forgetting to move the garbage cans to the street for the garbage collector.

Your high school yearbook is now home to three different species of mold.

You buy "age-defying" makeup and "anti-wrinkle" creams and believe they work.

You've realized that all those geeky people in Bermuda shorts walking around Disney World include you.

You recognize Led Zeppelin songs that have been turned into elevator Muzak.

You've had three opportunities to buy every single Disney Animated Classic-"for the last time in a generation"

Wal-Mart and Target seem to share your fashion sense.

The only way you know to stop a virtual pet from beeping involves the patio and a sledgehammer.

You can pack two suits, Five shirts, five ties, five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, a pair of shoes, and half of your bathroom into a carry-on bag-in less than five minutes.

You know what Earth Shoes are.

You think if you hear "Stairway to Heaven" one more time your head will explode.

Your weight-lifting program seems to have no effect on your muscles, but the veins on the backs of your hands are bulking up quite nicely.

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