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July 2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
1778
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1884
<1min
One-liner #0063
"Christmas -- when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but ten extra pounds on hip, thigh and rear!"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1844
<1min
One-liner #0064
"Christmas is just like any day at the office - you do all the work and one guy in a suit gets all the credit."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1807
<1min
One-liner #0065
"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1884
<1min
One-liner #0066
"Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1838
<1min
One-liner #0067
"College - The four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1948
<1min
One-liner #0068
"DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID; think about it."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1847
<1min
One-liner #0069
"Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that, within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1670
<1min
One-liner #0070
"Ditch the driving test for an I.Q. test."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1919
<1min
One-liner #0071
"Do the right thing because one cookie would just be afraid by itself in the dark, right?"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1899
<1min
One-liner #0072
"Do you find it strange that lemon juice is made with artificial flavor but dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1845
<1min
One-liner #0073
"Dogs lick you because they love you - cats lick you because you had chicken for dinner."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1755
<1min
One-liner #0074
"Don't be irreplaceable - if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1855
<1min
One-liner #0075
"Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1842
<1min
One-liner #0076
"Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old - squash their toes with your rocker."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1934
<1min
One-liner #0077
"Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1800
<1min
One-liner #0078
"Don't tell fish stories where the people know you; but particularly, don't tell them where they know the fish."- Mark Twain
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1971
<1min
One-liner #0079
"Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1941
<1min
One-liner #0080
"Don't think you're on the right road just because it's a well-beaten path."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1904
<1min
One-liner #0081
"Don't you hate it when people can't sphel? "
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2098
<1min
One-liner #0082
"Due to the shape of the North American Elk's esophagus, even if it could speak, it could not pronounce the word lasagna."- Cliff Clavin, Cheers
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1866
<1min
One-liner #0083
"Each year a healthy adult male consumes one and one-half times his weight in other peoples patience." ~John Updike
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1703
<1min
One-liner #0084
"Eschew obfuscation."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1901
<1min
One-liner #0085
"Even Popeye didn't eat his spinach until he absolutely had to."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2187
<1min
One-liner #0086
"Every silver lining has a cloud."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1879
<1min
One-liner #0087
"Everyone should have a spouse, because there are a number of things that go wrong that one can't blame on the government."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1826
<1min
One-liner #0088
"Everything can be filed under 'miscellaneous.'"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1891
<1min
One-liner #0089
"For every tax problem there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated and wrong."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1809
<1min
One-liner #0090
"Forget about world peace...visualize using your turn signal!"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1813
<1min
One-liner #0091
"Four-wheel-drive just means getting stuck in more inaccessible places."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1899
<1min
One-liner #0092
"Gas prices are so high that when this college girl pulled into a gas station and asked for 2 dollar's worth, the attendant dabbed some behind her ears."
read more..
Results 661 - 690 of 1778