What if Snow White was just pretending to be asleep so she didn't have to clean up after little people anymore?
I totally get that.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Breaking News.....
A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyses, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
I'm looking for my necks victim.
If you're mad at someone, first let him sit in your car, and then you can belt him.
Getting older is just one body part after another saying, "Haha, you think that's bad? Watch this!"
Due to the unprecedented use of the word unprecedented, we must now change its meaning; as it is no longer unprecedented.
I taught my dog to fetch me a soda ... doesn't sound very impressive but he gets them from my neighbours fridge.
During Covid, and after six months of listening to people talk with masks on, I finally understood what Charlie Brown's teacher was saying.
If I had 50 cents for every math test I've failed, I'd have $7.20.
My dream of being a poet vanished like a thing in a whatever.
Somebody asked me what to do with leftover bacon. I've never heard of that kind of bacon. Is it new?
What do we learn from cows, buffaloes, and elephants?
It is just impossible to reduce weight by eating grass and salads and walking.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Except for bears. Bears will kill you.
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today; that's 12 years in a row.
A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example:
1. I ate my friend's lunch.
2. I ate my friend's colon.