Monthly Archive

July 2011

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 1778 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
One-liner #0123
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1992
<1min

One-liner #0123

"I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I'm lying on the couch and can't reach the remote, I think, 'Boy, a kid would be nice right now.'"- Kathleen Madigan read more..
One-liner #0124
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1850
<1min

One-liner #0124

"I got one of those new devices that make my cell phone 'hands free' - now I can get back to eating and drinking when I drive." read more..
One-liner #0125
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1808
<1min

One-liner #0125

"I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks."- James H. Boren read more..
One-liner #0126
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1784
<1min

One-liner #0126

"I had a muscle twitching yesterday - that's the most exercise I've had in years." read more..
One-liner #0127
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1845
<1min

One-liner #0127

"I had amnesia once -- or twice." read more..
One-liner #0128
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1974
<1min

One-liner #0128

"I hated to graduate from High School - it was the happiest ten years of my life." read more..
One-liner #0129
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1930
<1min

One-liner #0129

"I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a good one." read more..
One-liner #0130
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1891
<1min

One-liner #0130

"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something."- Jackie Mason read more..
One-liner #0131
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1970
<1min

One-liner #0131

"I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf - all I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, 'Let's eat out!'" read more..
One-liner #0132
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1963
<1min

One-liner #0132

"I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all." read more..
One-liner #0133
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1828
<1min

One-liner #0133

"I keep losing the war on poverty because my money keeps fraternizing with the enemy." read more..
One-liner #0134
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1897
<1min

One-liner #0134

"I keep trying to ostracize people but I can't get their attention." read more..
One-liner #0135
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1840
<1min

One-liner #0135

"I learned something important about burning leaves - wait until they fall off the trees." read more..
One-liner #0136
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1846
<1min

One-liner #0136

"I like pigs - dogs look up to us and cats look down on us but pigs treat us as equals." read more..
One-liner #0137
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1961
<1min

One-liner #0137

"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark."- Dick Gregory read more..
One-liner #0138
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1931
<1min

One-liner #0138

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."- W.C. Fields read more..
One-liner #0139
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2023
<1min

One-liner #0139

"I never make misakes." read more..
One-liner #0140
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2023
<1min

One-liner #0140

"I put all my money into taxes; that's the only thing that's sure to go up." read more..
One-liner #0141
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2000
<1min

One-liner #0141

"I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time." read more..
One-liner #0142
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1961
<1min

One-liner #0142

"I said LUNCH not LAUNCH!!!!" read more..
One-liner #0143
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1910
<1min

One-liner #0143

"I stayed in a really old hotel last night - they sent me a wake-up letter." read more..
One-liner #0144
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2061
<1min

One-liner #0144

"I take music pretty seriously. This scar on my wrist, do you know what that's from? I heard the Bee Gees were getting back together again."- Dennis Leary read more..
One-liner #0145
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1903
<1min

One-liner #0145

"I think that someone must have surveillance equipment set up in my living room, because every once in a while, someone on the TV will tell me what channel I'm watching and that really freaks me out, read more..
One-liner #0146
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2112
<1min

One-liner #0146

"I think there is insanity in my family - they keep asking me for money." read more..
One-liner #0147
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2132
<1min

One-liner #0147

"I thought about taking up snowboarding, but then I figured, why not just ram myself into a tree and save that long trip to the mountains." read more..
One-liner #0148
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1913
<1min

One-liner #0148

"I took my parents back to the airport today. They're flying home tomorrow."~ Margaret Smith read more..
One-liner #0149
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1874
<1min

One-liner #0149

I try to sell insurance to every telemarketer that calls me. My insurance company is Calvary Trust.... read more..
One-liner #0150
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1978
<1min

One-liner #0150

"I use my cookbook often -- to throw at people who suggest I cook. " read more..
One-liner #0151
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1944
<1min

One-liner #0151

"I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes." read more..
One-liner #0152
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1995
<1min

One-liner #0152

"I used to have a handle on life, but it broke." read more..
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