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July 2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
1778
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2091
<1min
One-liner #0395
"You know the kids are growing up when your daughter begins to put on lipstick and your son starts to wipe it off."
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1953
<1min
One-liner #0396
"You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1934
<1min
One-liner #0397
"You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1941
<1min
One-liner #0398
"You've got to spend money to lose money."
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1994
<1min
One-liner #0399
"You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2001
<1min
One-liner #0400
“A baby sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2072
<1min
One-liner #0401
“A bad day fishing is better than a good day at work.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2105
<1min
One-liner #0402
“A bus station is where a bus stops, a train station is where a train stops and on my desk I have a work station . . .”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2058
<1min
One-liner #0403
“A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills...she has 10 kids but doesn't really care.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2029
<1min
One-liner #0404
“A key ring is a gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1965
<1min
One-liner #0405
“A penny saved is a government oversight.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2117
<1min
One-liner #0406
“A person who can smile when things go wrong has found someone to blame it on.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2064
<1min
One-liner #0408
“A woman's work is never done. So why bother?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2065
<1min
One-liner #0409
“All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2081
<1min
One-liner #0410
“Allowance is what you pay your kids to live with you.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2057
<1min
One-liner #0411
“An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have - the older she gets the more interested he is in her.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1973
<1min
One-liner #0412
“Anuther grate mind ruened bi thu educashin sistym.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1932
<1min
One-liner #0413
“As a child, I was the kind my mother wouldn't let me play with.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2075
<1min
One-liner #0414
“As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1941
<1min
One-liner #0415
“As soon as I get some grip on reality, I'm going to choke it.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2013
<1min
One-liner #0416
“Ask me about my vow of silence.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2187
<1min
One-liner #0417
“Be different: conform.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2038
<1min
One-liner #0418
“Before you criticize someone, make sure you've walked a mile in their shoes. That way, you're a mile away AND you have their shoes!”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2127
<1min
One-liner #0419
“Being vague is just as bad as that other thing.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2026
<1min
One-liner #0420
“Birds of a feather flock together and aim for your car.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2043
<1min
One-liner #0421
“Birthdays are good for you ... the more you have the longer you live.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1964
<1min
One-liner #0422
“Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they shall not be disappointed.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2061
<1min
One-liner #0423
“Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2076
<1min
One-liner #0424
“Bumper sticker on Wall Street: My other Porsche is for sale.”
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2084
<1min
One-liner #0425
“Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the drive before it has stopped snowing.”
...
read more..
Results 991 - 1020 of 1778