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2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1813
<1min
One-liner #0112
"I am not stupid - everyone else is just smarter than me."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1902
<1min
One-liner #0113
"I asked Mom if I was a gifted child...she said they certainly wouldn't have paid for me."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1893
<1min
One-liner #0114
"I bought my Christmas tree today. I think I made a mistake though. I bought the three year extended warranty. I don't think I need that."- Jay Leno
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1750
<1min
One-liner #0115
"I could enjoy my second childhood more if I was able to peddle my tricycle a little faster."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1856
<1min
One-liner #0116
"I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1956
<1min
One-liner #0117
"I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1810
<1min
One-liner #0118
"I don't know why, but I've always found it difficult to make friends; know what I mean, Stupid?"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1891
<1min
One-liner #0119
"I don't know, I'm not in shape yet."~ Yogi Berra (when asked his cap size)
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1929
<1min
One-liner #0120
"I don't pretend to have all the answers. I don't even pretend to know all the questions. Hey look, a Milk Dud!"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1914
<1min
One-liner #0121
"I feel sorry for the guy who has to play the world's smallest violin - everybody just thinks he's being sarcastic."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1897
<1min
One-liner #0122
"I fly a lot but I go to only about half as many places as my luggage does."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1992
<1min
One-liner #0123
"I get those maternal feelings sometimes, like when I'm lying on the couch and can't reach the remote, I think, 'Boy, a kid would be nice right now.'"- Kathleen Madigan
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1850
<1min
One-liner #0124
"I got one of those new devices that make my cell phone 'hands free' - now I can get back to eating and drinking when I drive."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1808
<1min
One-liner #0125
"I got the bill for my surgery. Now I know why those doctors were wearing masks."- James H. Boren
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1784
<1min
One-liner #0126
"I had a muscle twitching yesterday - that's the most exercise I've had in years."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1845
<1min
One-liner #0127
"I had amnesia once -- or twice."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1975
<1min
One-liner #0128
"I hated to graduate from High School - it was the happiest ten years of my life."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1931
<1min
One-liner #0129
"I have an inferiority complex, but it's not a good one."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1891
<1min
One-liner #0130
"I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something."- Jackie Mason
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1971
<1min
One-liner #0131
"I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf - all I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, 'Let's eat out!'"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1965
<1min
One-liner #0132
"I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1828
<1min
One-liner #0133
"I keep losing the war on poverty because my money keeps fraternizing with the enemy."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1897
<1min
One-liner #0134
"I keep trying to ostracize people but I can't get their attention."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1841
<1min
One-liner #0135
"I learned something important about burning leaves - wait until they fall off the trees."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1847
<1min
One-liner #0136
"I like pigs - dogs look up to us and cats look down on us but pigs treat us as equals."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1961
<1min
One-liner #0137
"I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark."- Dick Gregory
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1932
<1min
One-liner #0138
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it."- W.C. Fields
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2024
<1min
One-liner #0139
"I never make misakes."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2023
<1min
One-liner #0140
"I put all my money into taxes; that's the only thing that's sure to go up."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2000
<1min
One-liner #0141
"I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time."
read more..
Results 2011 - 2040 of 3574