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2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1885
<1min
One-liner #0324
"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us."- Calvin and Hobbes - Bill Watterson
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1826
<1min
One-liner #0325
"The tooth fairy teaches children that they can sell body parts for money."- David Richerby
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1960
<1min
One-liner #0326
"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1783
<1min
One-liner #0327
"The trouble with eating at an all-you-can-eat restaurant is that five or six days later you're hungry again."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1785
<1min
One-liner #0328
"The U.N. is a place where governments opposed to free speech demand to be heard!"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1886
<1min
One-liner #0329
"The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1766
<1min
One-liner #0330
"The world's full of apathy, but I don't care."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1755
<1min
One-liner #0331
"The worst thing about censorship is ****** ** ********!"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1902
<1min
One-liner #0332
"There are 10 types of people in the world; those that understand binary, and those that don't."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1804
<1min
One-liner #0333
"There are more important things in life than money but they won't go out with you if you're broke."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1879
<1min
One-liner #0334
"There aren't enough days in the weekend."~ Steven Wright
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1856
<1min
One-liner #0335
"There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1928
<1min
One-liner #0336
"There's only two more days to procrastinate before Christmas."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1925
<1min
One-liner #0337
"There's too much blood in my caffeine system."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1815
<1min
One-liner #0338
"They have Dial-a-Prayer for atheists now - you call up and it rings and rings but nobody answers."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1885
<1min
One-liner #0339
"They say kids brighten the home - that's because they never turn the lights off."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1832
<1min
One-liner #0340
"Time is Nature's way of keeping everything from happening all at once."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1918
<1min
One-liner #0341
"Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1964
<1min
One-liner #0342
"To err is human, just do it in front of as few people as possible!"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1930
<1min
One-liner #0343
"To prevent sagging skin eat 'til the wrinkles fill out."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1820
<1min
One-liner #0344
"To vacillate or not to vacillate - that is the question...or is it?"
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1808
<1min
One-liner #0345
"Today I went to buy a toaster and was given a bank as a free gift."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1889
<1min
One-liner #0346
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life but so was yesterday and look how you messed that up."
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1864
<1min
One-liner #0347
"Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1803
<1min
One-liner #0348
"Trouble with grammar have I, yes."- Yoda
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1799
<1min
One-liner #0349
"Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance"
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1897
<1min
One-liner #0350
"Two can live as cheap as one, if one don't eat."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1813
<1min
One-liner #0351
"Vacation is a two-week-long experience where money and time race against each other until both are totally exhausted."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1837
<1min
One-liner #0352
"Visa is everywhere you want to be except out of debt."
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1768
<1min
One-liner #0353
"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads."
read more..
Results 2221 - 2250 of 3574