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2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
3444
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1430
One-liner #0525
“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1452
One-liner #0526
“The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half empty, and the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1504
One-liner #0527
“The reason they called golf "golf" was all the other 4-letter words were taken.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1476
One-liner #0528
“The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1444
One-liner #0529
“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1395
One-liner #0530
“Three things cause severe memory loss: a blow to the head, old age, and testifying before a congressional hearing.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1407
One-liner #0531
“Time is fun when you're having flies.”~ Kermit the Frog
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1456
One-liner #0532
“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1478
One-liner #0533
“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1475
One-liner #0534
“To the people who leave their carts in the check-out line while running to get an item they forgot: It's me who puts the extra items in there.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1397
One-liner #0535
“We're all in this alone.”- Lily Tomlin
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1770
One-liner #0536
“When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1523
One-liner #0537
“When I can't be kind, I try to have the decency to be vague.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1467
One-liner #0538
“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”~ Henny Youngman
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1464
One-liner #0539
“Whenever I hear Pavlov's name, it rings a bell.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1448
One-liner #0540
“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1468
One-liner #0541
“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1443
One-liner #0542
“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1425
One-liner #0543
“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1501
One-liner #0544
“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1551
One-liner #0545
“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1517
One-liner #0546
“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1474
One-liner #0547
“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1488
One-liner #0548
“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1504
One-liner #0549
“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1546
One-liner #0550
“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1467
One-liner #0551
“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1539
One-liner #0552
“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1523
One-liner #0553
“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1530
One-liner #0554
A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.
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Results 2431 - 2460 of 3444