Monthly Archive

2011

Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of 3444 of our articles broken down into Months and Years.
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1430

One-liner #0525

“The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1452

One-liner #0526

“The optimist says the glass is half full, the pessimist says the glass is half empty, and the engineer says the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1504

One-liner #0527

“The reason they called golf "golf" was all the other 4-letter words were taken.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1476

One-liner #0528

“The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1444

One-liner #0529

“There are two words in a person's life that will open a lot of doors for them... PULL and PUSH”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1395

One-liner #0530

“Three things cause severe memory loss: a blow to the head, old age, and testifying before a congressional hearing.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1407

One-liner #0531

“Time is fun when you're having flies.”~ Kermit the Frog... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1456

One-liner #0532

“To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1478

One-liner #0533

“To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1475

One-liner #0534

“To the people who leave their carts in the check-out line while running to get an item they forgot: It's me who puts the extra items in there.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1397

One-liner #0535

“We're all in this alone.”- Lily Tomlin... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1770

One-liner #0536

“When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1523

One-liner #0537

“When I can't be kind, I try to have the decency to be vague.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1467

One-liner #0538

“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”~ Henny Youngman... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1464

One-liner #0539

“Whenever I hear Pavlov's name, it rings a bell.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1448

One-liner #0540

“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1468

One-liner #0541

“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1443

One-liner #0542

“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1425

One-liner #0543

“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1501

One-liner #0544

“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1551

One-liner #0545

“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1517

One-liner #0546

“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1474

One-liner #0547

“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1488

One-liner #0548

“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1504

One-liner #0549

“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1546

One-liner #0550

“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1467

One-liner #0551

“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1539

One-liner #0552

“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1523

One-liner #0553

“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”... read more..

One-liners
Pastor Tim
1530

One-liner #0554

A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.... read more..