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2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
3574
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1790
<1min
One-liner #0535
“We're all in this alone.”- Lily Tomlin
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2202
<1min
One-liner #0536
“When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1882
<1min
One-liner #0537
“When I can't be kind, I try to have the decency to be vague.”
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read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1911
<1min
One-liner #0538
“When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.”~ Henny Youngman
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1931
<1min
One-liner #0539
“Whenever I hear Pavlov's name, it rings a bell.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1884
<1min
One-liner #0540
“Where am I going and why am I in this hand basket?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1893
<1min
One-liner #0541
“Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1896
<1min
One-liner #0542
“Why do the same people who laugh at science fiction listen to weather forecasts and economists?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1801
<1min
One-liner #0543
“Why do they have ear piercing while you wait; is there some shop where you can drop them off and pick them up later?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1852
<1min
One-liner #0544
“Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1963
<1min
One-liner #0545
“Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1905
<1min
One-liner #0546
“Why were so many Civil War battles fought in national parks?”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1862
<1min
One-liner #0547
“Women are angels and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly ... on a broomstick; we're flexible like that.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1889
<1min
One-liner #0548
“You know you are getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1877
<1min
One-liner #0549
“You know you're getting old when you wonder what you'd feel like if you weren't taking vitamins.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1941
<1min
One-liner #0550
“You know you're old when you reach down to get the wrinkles out of your panty hose and realize you aren't wearing any.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1875
<1min
One-liner #0551
“You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1963
<1min
One-liner #0552
“You're not shy: you're conversationally selective."
...
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29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1900
<1min
One-liner #0553
“You're only as old as you feel ... the next day.”
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1916
<1min
One-liner #0554
A clean house is a sure sign of a broken computer.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1881
<1min
One-liner #0555
A magazine recently published that in the last census 1.6 percent of the people were not counted....how can they know that?
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2026
<1min
One-liner #0556
A new medical study says that meat can almost be as bad for you as smoking - in fact, it's almost as bad as second-hand meat.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1834
<1min
One-liner #0557
A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1924
<1min
One-liner #0558
A sign in the window: "Any faulty merchandise will be cheerfully replaced with merchandise of equal quality."
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1924
<1min
One-liner #0560
As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it, or leave it.- Buddy Hackett
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1887
<1min
One-liner #0561
At pilot's training back in the Air Corps they taught us, "Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you make."
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1840
<1min
One-liner #0562
Avoid cutting yourself while clumsily slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1889
<1min
One-liner #0563
Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1863
<1min
One-liner #0564
Beware of buying anything when the manuals are bigger than the equipment.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
1790
<1min
One-liner #0565
Called my stockbroker this morning and asked him what I should be buying and he said, "Canned goods and ammunition."
...
read more..
Results 2431 - 2460 of 3574