July 2011 - Monthly Archive - Results from #180

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6469

<1min

Hellman's Mayo

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery on May 5th in Vera Cr... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2391

<1min

Hereafter

"These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4671

<1min

Heredity

"The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose and his mother's mouth. Which left his mother with a pretty blank expression."- Robert Benchley read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2413

<1min

High School Math

A student at our high school a few years back, having had his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statisti... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2230

<1min

HMO Plans

"The majority of HMO plans I've seen can be likened to hospital gowns-- you only think you're covered." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2102

<1min

Hobby Books

BAND PLAYING by Clara NettJAZZ MUSIC by Tenna SaxeCUDDLY TOYS by Ted E. BehrTHE STARS TELL IT ALL by Horace CopeSCULPTING THE GODS OF GREECE AND ROME by Jove... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3158

<1min

Holiday Pun

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while late... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2438

<1min

Home Pun

A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9180

<1min

Horrible Cat Puns

These cat puns are both horrible and painful! You were warned.What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck? - A duck filled fatty puss!What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese? - ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2549

<1min

Horse Pun

You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2209

<1min

Horse Sale

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale."Afraid not," sai... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2245

<1min

Hospital Introduction

"While working as a Navy nurse in a military hospital's emergency room, I was required to introduce myself by my rank and full name. I usually refer to myself as Ensign Mike Payne, but one busy day I read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5057

<1min

Hospital Pun

Q: Who are the most decent people in the hospital?A: The ultrasound people.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2759

<1min

Hospital Songs Pun

Songs From The Hospital Hit Parade~ "I'll be Sewing You"~ "Red Cells in the Sunset"~ "It's Spleen a Long, Long Time"~ "It Had to Be Flu"~ "On the Bonny Banks of Glaucoma"~ "Gonna Take a Sentimental Gu... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3262

<1min

House Pun

A young family, feeling cramped in their small apartment, went shopping for a house. The parents looked at houses for a month before deciding on a two-story house in the country. While driving to the... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2835

<1min

Housework 1

"My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2583

<1min

Housework 2

I was tidying up the house but finding the task difficult because of a pulled muscle in my lower back. As I was collecting the trash, something fell to the floor. Taking a deep breath and trying to ig... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2866

<1min

Humpty Pun

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall but winter doesn't look too promising.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2386

<1min

Hungry Clock

"When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

5342

<1min

Hunting Pun

At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him."Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey,... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2644

<1min

Hymns for Professionals

DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS: Come, labour onGOLFERS: There is a green hill far awayPOLITICIANS: Standing on the promisesLIBRARIANS: Let all... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2424

<1min

Hypochondriacs

"People are forever calling me a hypochondriac, and, let me tell you, that makes me sick." read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2170

<1min

I am Pun

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence? read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2350

<1min

Ice Cream

Two robins were sitting in a tree. "I'm really hungry," said the first one. "Let's fly down and find some lunch." They flew down to the ground and found a nice plot of newly plowed ground that was ful... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

4311

<1min

Illness Pun

A fella walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had.He said, "Shingles."So she took down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat. Fifteen ... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2369

<1min

Indoors

If a rabbit is raised indoors, would it be an ingrown hare?... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

9523

<1min

Inflatable Pun

An inflatable student goes to his inflatable school and is having a really bad day. Bored in history lesson, he gets up and walks out. Walking down the corridor, he sees the inflatable headmaster wa... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

2653

<1min

Inheritance

The geek shall inherit the earth.... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

6337

<1min

Injury Pun

A man is struck in the head by a rock during a heated demonstration. A woman rushes over, kneels down and places his head in her lap."Are you comfortable?" she asks."Oh, I do okay." he replied. "Som... read more..

29 Jul

Clean Puns

Pastor Tim

3450

<1min

Insurance Claim

The chef at a family-run restaurant had broken her leg and came into our insurance office to file a disability claim.As I scanned the claim form, I did a double take.Under "Reason unable to work," she... read more..