Monthly Archive

Two goats wandered into the junkyard and had a field day. One of them spent a particularly long time bent over a spool of film. When he was finished, the other goat came over. "So, did you enjoy the f... read more..

"Ah, the golden years. When actions creak louder than words." read more..

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez."How was he killed?" asked one detective. "With a golf gun," the other detective replied. "A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?" "I do... read more..

"I don't want to say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced." read more..

A bill collector knocked on the door of a country debtor. "Is Fred home?", he asked the woman who answered the door. "Sorry," the woman replied. "Fred's gone for cotton." The next day, the collect... read more..

A gossip is someone with a great "sense of rumor."... read more..

"Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation.En route, with the siren blaring, they questioned the read more..

A high-school student came home one night rather depressed."What's the matter, son," asked his mother."Aw, Mom," said the boy, "It's my grades. They're all wet.""What do you mean 'all wet?'""You know... read more..

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.... read more..

Gravity always gets me down.... read more..

A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France resulted in "Linoleum Blownapart."... read more..

One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful."I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey.""That's nothing," said the mounta... read more..

Grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic because baggers can't be choosers.... read more..

A gross ignoramus: 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.... read more..

My husband was telling colleagues about his involvement with our local YMCA Indian Guides and Indian Princesses programs. His Indian name was Walking Deer, he told them. Our daughter was Little Fawn, ... read more..

"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good for a while, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."- Mitch Hedberg read more..

When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.... read more..

"Said Hamlet to Ophelia,'I'll draw a sketch of thee,What kind of pencil shall I use?2B or not 2B?'"'Hamlet' by Spike Milligan read more..

Then there is researcher Peter Fong, who has given new meaning to the expression "happy as a clam." The Gettysburg College biologist stumbled onto the fact that molluscs reproduce at 10 times their no... read more..

Farmer Jones's cows had recently stopped giving good milk. So, he went around asking for advice, and someone told him that happy cows give good milk. Every morning he would go out and tell some jokes ... read more..

Needless to say, one of the most successful inventors of all time was the man who invented the hay-bailing machine. He made a bundle.... read more..

He became a realtor because he had lots on his mind.She became a pharmacist because she was a real pill.He became an expolorer because he wanted to find himself.She became a baker because she loved lo... read more..

If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children.... read more..

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery on May 5th in Vera Cr... read more..

"These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after." read more..

"The child had his mother's eyes, his mother's nose and his mother's mouth. Which left his mother with a pretty blank expression."- Robert Benchley read more..

A student at our high school a few years back, having had his fill with drawing graph after graph in senior high math class, told his teacher, "I'll do algebra, I'll do trig, and I'll even do statisti... read more..

"The majority of HMO plans I've seen can be likened to hospital gowns-- you only think you're covered." read more..

BAND PLAYING by Clara NettJAZZ MUSIC by Tenna SaxeCUDDLY TOYS by Ted E. BehrTHE STARS TELL IT ALL by Horace CopeSCULPTING THE GODS OF GREECE AND ROME by Jove... read more..

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while late... read more..