Monthly Archive

Applying mascara in a car can cause whipped lashes.... read more..

A down and out musician was playing his harmonica in the middle of a busy shopping mall. Striding over, a policeman asked, “May I please see your permit?” I don’t have one,” confessed the musician. “I... read more..

Along with the three wise men, the shepherds, and the others who showed up at the manger, there was also a fellow on a white charger, wearing a suit of armor. But he didn't have as good a publicity ag... read more..

Once upon a time there were three little bunny rabbits, Foot, Foot-Foot, and Foot-Foot-Foot, and they were outside playing. All of a sudden, Foot grabs his head and says, "I'm really sick. I think I'm... read more..

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.... read more..

My friend Mari has a screechy voice that makes people queasy to hear it. The other day she came over for dinner. I served squid. After dinner she went out on the terrace and, observing a gorgeous suns... read more..

With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.... read more..

Did you hear about the manicurist and dentist who got married?They fought tooth and nail.... read more..

Suppose a snake and an undertaker were wed.Would their towels read "Hiss" and "Hearse"?... read more..

Their marriage was going O.K. until they bought a water bed, then they started drifting apart.... read more..

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?... read more..

Mary Poppins was traveling home, but due to worsening weather, she decided to stop at a hotel. She approached the receptionist and asked for a room for the night."Certainly, madam," he replied courte... read more..

My son-in-law Matt has a great-looking Darth Vader mask. One year at Halloween, a friend asked if he could borrow it. Matt agreed, and on Halloween night, his friend came by to pick it up. Matt wa... read more..

"Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on a Catholic." read more..

Paul was a passionate masseur. For years he pounded, stretched, pulled and relaxed the most burdened, stressed, bent-out-of-shape bodies. Then late one day, rather unexpectedly, he was fired. Appare... read more..

You may remember a rock band from the 80's that was called Linear.They were originally going to call themselves The Quadratics, but they didn't want people thinking they were squares.... read more..

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a setsquare, a sli... read more..

Mrs. Johnson the elementary school math teacher was having children do problems on the blackboard that day. "Who would like to do the first problem, addition?" No one raised their hand. She called ... read more..

Maytag is my middle name; I'm an agitator.... read more..

MEANDERTHALS /me-AN-dur-thols/noun: aimless, slow-walking pedestrians who mindlessly get in everyone else's way on sidewalks, stores, in malls, and crosswalks, often while preoccupied with a cell phon... read more..

“People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot!”... read more..

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.He said, "No, the steaks are too high."... read more..

The helicopter lost power while flying over a remote Scottish island and was forced to make an emergency landing. Luckily, the pilot saw a small cottage nearby. He walked to it and knocked on the door... read more..

ANTIBODY - against everyoneBENIGN - what you be after you be eightBOWEL - letters like a,e,i,o,uCAESARIAN SECTION - a district in RomeCAT SCAN - searching for lost kittyCHRONIC - neck of a crowCOMA - ... read more..

"Meditation is not what you think." read more..

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.... read more..

My boyfriend and I were lunching at a sidewalk cafe in Huntington Beach, CA.Our waitress looked like a real surfer girl: athletic with a great tan and blond hair. Mulling over the menu, my guy asked h... read more..

Merger ManiaA number of years ago there was a proposed merger between Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers. Rumor had it that the new company would be called Fairwell Honeychild.There is a me... read more..

Once Horace Gold [my editor] went too far. He rejected a story of mine which he called "meretricious." The word is from the Latin meretrix, meaning "prostitute," so that the implication was that I wa... read more..

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting the weather for the TV news program.He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a reco... read more..