Monthly Archive

This guy goes to a Halloween party with a girl on his back."What on earth are you?" asks the host. "I'm a snail," says the guy. "But... you have a girl on your back," replies the host. "Yeah, he says... read more..

While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked dis... read more..

On my recent trip to New York, I was walking near a small courtyard and heard voices murmuring. So I looked in and saw an altar with a large zero in the middle and a banner that said "N I L".White-rob... read more..

What do you get from a pampered cow?Spoiled milk.... read more..

Walking into the local chamber of commerce, the stranger obviously looked desperate. He approached the guy at the counter and asked, "Is there a criminal attorney in town?"The guy behind the counter r... read more..

Once upon a time an evil king captured a beautiful princess and held her hostage in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress."You'll nev... read more..

Every calendar's days are numbered.... read more..

Two elderly gentlemen were visiting. "I guess you're never too old," the first one boasted. "Why just yesterday a pretty college girl said she'd be interested in dating me but to be perfectly honest, ... read more..

Ever wonder why some people won't drive during daylight hours in a certain part of California?It's 'cause their doctors told them to stay out of the sun to avoid car Sonoma.... read more..

My job is in the aerospace industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain what kind of work I do.At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as ... read more..

* One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.* One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.* One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.* One who can't be Spouse-Broken.* One who kno read more..

My husband and I were returning home from our childbirth class at Manhattan's Beekman Hospital. Noting my obvious pregnancy, the taxi driver, a Mr. Ho, proceeded to tell us about his wife's experienc... read more..

"Always remember -- in a democracy, your vote counts. But in a feudal system, your count votes." read more..

The best way to watch a demolition derby?Through a kaleidoscope.... read more..

The judge asked his dentist:"Will you drill the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"... read more..

I went to the dentist with my uncle the other day. He needed needed new dentures. The dentist showed him some that only cost a dollar. The dentist did want my uncle to understand, though, that they ... read more..

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?Laundry workers ... read more..

A detective who spent his entire career in plain clothes quit the police force and bought a farm."What kind of crops do you plan to grow?" the police chief asked the farmer-to-be."Carrots and potatoes... read more..

A psychiatrist is doing rounds in his hospital with a couple of students.They look in on one patient and the psychiatrist says to his students, "Sometimes this fellow thinks he's a temptress in a Bize... read more..

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I keep having this recurring feeling that I'm going to shrink! What can I do?"The doctor replied, "Now, calm down, you ju... read more..

Bill: It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. Doug: So what did she ask for?Bill: She said, "Oh, I don't know, just give me something with diamonds." And ... read more..

There's a new pasta diet -Just walk pasta bakery without stopping, walk pasta candy store without stopping, walk pasta ice cream store without stopping.... read more..

"Dieters: people that are thick and tired of it." read more..

A man walks into his doctor's office and says,"Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."... read more..

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr.Mike Wilson’s behavior. Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Wilson would run up and down the hallway, yelling, "Tetanus, measles, flu..............”" Very... read more..

When a panel of doctors were asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the allergists voted to scratch it and the dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastro-enterologists had a gu... read more..

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few house calls he stopped coming to the farm.Th... read more..

"You're going out to play golf again?" Dewey’s wife complained. "I'm only doing under doctors orders." "Do I look stupid to you?!" "But it’s true," he said, while walking out the door. "Dr. Wilson tol read more..

This guy decides he wants his dog to be able to dance, so he enrolls the pet in dance classes. Dutifully, he takes this dog to class every week, but he sees no improvement. Finally, he takes the instr... read more..

"The Dalmatian's called Jerry, but the Afghanistan."- Jeff Foxworthy read more..