Monthly Archive

* One who avoids Bride-Eyed women.* One who believes in Life, Liberty and the Happiness of Pursuit.* One who can go fishing anytime, until he gets hooked.* One who can't be Spouse-Broken.* One who kno read more..

My husband and I were returning home from our childbirth class at Manhattan's Beekman Hospital. Noting my obvious pregnancy, the taxi driver, a Mr. Ho, proceeded to tell us about his wife's experien... read more..

"Always remember -- in a democracy, your vote counts. But in a feudal system, your count votes." read more..

The best way to watch a demolition derby?Through a kaleidoscope.... read more..

The judge asked his dentist:"Will you drill the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth?"... read more..

I went to the dentist with my uncle the other day. He needed needed new dentures. The dentist showed him some that only cost a dollar. The dentist did want my uncle to understand, though, that they ... read more..

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, and dry cleaners depressed?Laundry workers ... read more..

A detective who spent his entire career in plain clothes quit the police force and bought a farm."What kind of crops do you plan to grow?" the police chief asked the farmer-to-be."Carrots and potatoes... read more..

A psychiatrist is doing rounds in his hospital with a couple of students.They look in on one patient and the psychiatrist says to his students, "Sometimes this fellow thinks he's a temptress in a Bize... read more..

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office and says, "Doc, you gotta help me, I keep having this recurring feeling that I'm going to shrink! What can I do?"The doctor replied, "Now, calm down, you ju... read more..

Bill: It's my wife's birthday tomorrow. Last week I asked her what she wanted as a present. Doug: So what did she ask for?Bill: She said, "Oh, I don't know, just give me something with diamonds." And ... read more..

There's a new pasta diet -Just walk pasta bakery without stopping, walk pasta candy store without stopping, walk pasta ice cream store without stopping.... read more..

"Dieters: people that are thick and tired of it." read more..

A man walks into his doctor's office and says,"Doctor, I've eaten something that disagrees with me."A voice from the man's stomach says, "No, you haven't."... read more..

A new nurse at a hospital was perplexed by Dr.Mike Wilson’s behavior. Off and on throughout her shift Dr. Wilson would run up and down the hallway, yelling, "Tetanus, measles, flu..............”" Very... read more..

When a panel of doctors were asked to vote on adding a new wing to their hospital, the allergists voted to scratch it and the dermatologists preferred no rash moves. The gastro-enterologists had a gu... read more..

There was this city doctor who started a practice in the countryside. He once had to go to a farm to attend to a sick farmer who lived there. After a few house calls he stopped coming to the farm.Th... read more..

"You're going out to play golf again?" Dewey’s wife complained. "I'm only doing under doctors orders." "Do I look stupid to you?!" "But it’s true," he said, while walking out the door. "Dr. Wilson tol read more..

This guy decides he wants his dog to be able to dance, so he enrolls the pet in dance classes. Dutifully, he takes this dog to class every week, but he sees no improvement. Finally, he takes the instr... read more..

"The Dalmatian's called Jerry, but the Afghanistan."- Jeff Foxworthy read more..

My eccentric neighbor proudly showed me what appeared to be a dog. "It's unique," he explained, "part dog and part bull and it cost me a thousand.""Which part is bull?" I asked.He replied, "The part a... read more..

"If your mutt is always growling angrily, it must be because he's a cross breed." read more..

Larry was tall and laconic so, of course, he hated to waste words."Why use two? One will do," he was frequently heard to ask. People giving him simple conversation were likely to hear, "Too much, to... read more..

A romantic young Outremont man is wooing a prissy young Westmount (English speaking) woman who knows French."Jt t'adore," whispers the amorous Quebecois (French Canadian)."Shut it yourself, " replies ... read more..

A pastor's church was getting too large for him to cover all of the duties so he had a clone made of himself. All was going well, he could be in two hospitals at once praying for the sick, attend two... read more..

A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!"The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?"The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to call the shots a... read more..

"I just killed Dracula," said Tom Swift painstakingly. read more..

A man went into his shrink's office and says, "Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I'm a sports car. The other night I dreamed I was a Trans Am. Another night I dreamed I wa... read more..

People don't really dream in color.If they think they do, it just a pigment of their imagination.... read more..

Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window. Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone else.... read more..