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July 2011
Welcome to our Archives page. On this page you will find a total of
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Search
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2067
<1min
One-liner #0667
What makes airport security think they can find something in my wife's purse when she can't?
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2111
<1min
One-liner #0668
When a man says it's a silly, childish game, it's probably something his wife can beat him at.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2100
<1min
One-liner #0669
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her out to some place expensive . . . so I took her to a gas station.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2010
<1min
One-liner #0670
When I was a child and got dirty, my mother would spit on a handkerchief and use it to clean the dirt off - I guess in her mind, muddy and disgusting was better than just muddy.- David Sigmon
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2073
<1min
One-liner #0671
When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me and I said, "What do you need?"
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2066
<1min
One-liner #0672
When repairmen say they'll "Come sometime next week," I usually say, "Fine, I'll pay you sometime next year."
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2210
<1min
One-liner #0673
When Ronald Reagan was elected governor of California, movie mogul Jack Warner said, "It's our fault. We should have given him better parts."
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2097
<1min
One-liner #0674
Whoever said there is no such thing as a stupid question has never worked in customer service.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2201
<1min
One-liner #0675
Why does the label on Children’s Tylenol tell you not to operate heavy machinery or vehicles?
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2162
<1min
One-liner #0676
Why should I learn algebra? I have no intention of ever going there.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2062
<1min
One-liner #0677
Wife to husband: "This Christmas let's give each other sensible gifts...like ties and fur coats."
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2155
<1min
One-liner #0678
Would the person who lost a fat roll of hundred dollar bills, wrapped in a rubber band, please report to the Lost & Found Department - we found your rubber band.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2225
<1min
One-liner #0679
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2272
<1min
One-liner #0680
You always hear people using the phrase working like a dog but when's the last time you saw a dog doing any work?
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2314
<1min
One-liner #0681
You know it's going to be a bad day when YOUR picture is on the milk carton.
...
read more..
29 Jul
One-liners
Pastor Tim
2390
<1min
One-liner #0682
You know you're a bona fide Catholic, Lutheran or Episcopalian, when you're watching Star Wars, and when you hear May the Force be with you you have an overwhelming urge to respond and also with you.
...
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1624
<1min
Quote #0820
"A blind boy paid his way to a master's degree at Northwestern University by taking notes on class lectures in Braille, typing them, and selling copies to classmates who had stronger eyes but weaker a
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1593
<1min
Quote #0821
"A church member waiting to be asked to serve in his own church is just like the member of a family waiting to be invited to pull weeds in front of the house where he lives."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1574
<1min
Quote #0822
"A free lunch is only found in mousetraps."~John Capozzi
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1501
<1min
Quote #0823
"A giving church is a living church."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1654
<1min
Quote #0825
"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1740
<1min
Quote #0826
"A member of my staff asked me when I was going to retire. I said, 'When I can no longer hear the sound of laughter.' He said, 'That never stopped you before.'"- Bob Hope
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1742
<1min
Quote #0827
"A mind in the gutter is a life down the drain."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1650
<1min
Quote #0828
"A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1582
<1min
Quote #0829
"A perfect summer day is when the sun is shining, the breeze is blowing, the birds are singing and the lawn mower is broken."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1656
<1min
Quote #0830
"A procrastinator's work is never done."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1570
<1min
Quote #0831
"A skeptic sees the handwriting on the wall but claims it's a forgery"
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1603
<1min
Quote #0832
"Ain't no horse can't be rode; ain't no cowboy can't be throwed."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1690
<1min
Quote #0833
"All generalizations are false."
read more..
29 Jul
Quotes
Pastor Tim
1564
<1min
Quote #0834
"Among those whom I like or admire, I can find no common denominator, but among those whom I love, I can: all of them make me laugh."- W. H. Auden, 1907-1973, English-born American poet
read more..
Results 1261 - 1290 of 1778