logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

Abbott and Costello - Computer Version

ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking about buying a computer.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.

ABBOTT: Your computer?

COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.

ABBOTT: Mac?

COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.

ABBOTT: What about Windows?

COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with windows?

COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?

ABBOTT: Wallpaper.

COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.

ABBOTT: Software for windows?

COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

ABBOTT: I just did.

COSTELLO: You just did what?

ABBOTT: Recommend something.

COSTELLO: You recommended something?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: For my office?

ABBOTT: Yes.

COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?

ABBOTT: Office.

COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!

ABBOTT: I recommend office with windows.

COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?

ABBOTT: Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: Word in Office.

COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?

ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."

COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?

ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.

COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need!

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel

2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them?

ABBOTT: Of course.

COSTELLO: Great, with what?

ABBOTT: Real One.

COSTELLO: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?

ABBOTT: You click the blue "1."

COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?

ABBOTT: The blue "1."

COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue w?

ABBOTT: The blue 1 is Real One and the blue W is Word.

COSTELLO: What word?

ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.

COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows"!

ABBOTT: No, just one. but its the most popular Word in the world.

COSTELLO: It is?

ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there.

COSTELLO: And that word is real one?

ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even Part of Office.

COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping you have anything I can track my money with?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?

ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.

COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?

ABBOTT: Money.

COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?

ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.

COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

ABBOTT: One copy.

COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?

ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money.

COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?

ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(LATER)

COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off?

ABBOTT: Click on "START"..

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    You Know You're a Northerner When

    You know you're a northerner when...~ you know the 4 seasons - winter, still winter, not…
  • Default Image
  • Default Image

    Mom's Bath Note

    Dear Kids, Don't be alarmed, the world isn't coming to an end. I am simply taking a bath.…
  • Default Image

    2 Best Recipes

    Newlywed Wife: "The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie."Newlywed Husband:…
  • Default Image

    Bus Fare

    Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train…
  • Default Image

    Miracle Toddler Diet

    Miracle Toddler Diet Losing weight is the number one New Year's Resolution.The problem…
  • Default Image

    Play Quietly

    Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye (or maybe it was Neil McNell from Barra, but…
  • Default Image

    Car Names Explained

    "Car Names Explained"(My car is in here so don't be offended if yours is too!)AUDI -…
  • canada flag

    Lost In Canada

    An American and his wife were driving in Canada and got lost on the prairie. After what…
  • Default Image

    Brazilian Jungle

    Two intrepid explorers met in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. "I'm here," declared…
  • newspaper2

    Cub Reporter

    The newspaper editor was instructing the cub reporter in important details of his…
  • Default Image

    Morning Run

    The drill sergeant, making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a…
  • Default Image

    Things My Mother Taught Me

    My Mother taught me LOGIC..."If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go…
  • umbrellas

    Summer Camp

    A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in Summer…
  • Default Image

    Driving Around

    I tell you, men drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on Highway…