logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Signs of E-Mail Addiction

    1. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way…
  • paramedic

    Awareness Test

    Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented.…
  • doorbell

    Quit Bothering Us

    We had spent the day moving from our farmhouse into our new house in town. Early the next…
  • Default Image

    Paper Eater

    A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the…
  • Default Image

    Signs Your Cat Is Too Fat

    Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener. Confused guests constantly mistaking him…
  • woman sleepy

    Sorry I'm Late

    Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone. In a sleepy grumpy…
  • Default Image

    4 Year Old Rider

    Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old…
  • Default Image

    Scientist's Convention

    In the far distant future in the year 4527, a number of scientists from all over the…
  • Default Image

    CIA Note

    A college graduate applied for a job at the Central Intelligence Agency. Together with…
  • Default Image

    10 Puns

    Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it…
  • nuts

    Got the Munchies?

    Mrs. Jones had been steadfast in her local congregation for many years and that is why…
  • Default Image

    Flower System

    An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his…
  • Default Image

    Aging

    ~ Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall…
  • Default Image

    Vacuum Persuasion

    My sister has the courage--but not always the skills--to tackle any home-repair…
  • Default Image

    Hospital Information

    A friend of mine was in the hospital awaiting the arrival of her first child. When I…

Preliminary Accident Report FT 1549.  Captain held responsible for unauthorized actions which resulted in crash says F.A.A..

Subject: NTSB Report on Flight 1549 

Hudson river_planeUS Airways violated Federal migratory bird regulations by hunting geese with an A320 Airbus jetliner, claim anonymous government sources.  The pilot of flight 1549, Air Force veteran and avid hunter Chesley B. Sullenberger, tried combining both of his interests by bagging a brace of geese over the wetlands near New York's LaGuardia airport after takeoff, on his way to Charlotte, North Carolina.

The imported European $77 million A320 airliner is not certified for either waterfowl or upland bird hunting, so it was not surprising that the aircraft malfunctioned.  When he realized that both New York and New Jersey State Game and Fish enforcement officers would soon be approaching, Captain Sullenberger unsuccessfully attempted to hide the plane in the Hudson River.

The crew and 150 passengers were chilled and shaken but unhurt. Most were simply grateful to avoid spending the weekend in Charlotte.

National Transportation Safety Board inspectors rushed to the scene, and reportedly found no Duck Stamps on the downed aircraft's fuselage.  Captain Sullenberger has not been charged, but is being held incommunicado at an undisclosed location.

PETA is urging the government to prosecute the pilot for double honkercide and poaching, and the animal rights group is expected to file a civil suit on behalf of the flock.  The two victims were undocumented aliens, according to sources close to the investigation, Canada geese who had over-stayed their visas.  Their goose gang scandalized their quiet Queens community by squatting in local cemeteries and golf courses, parking on the grass, cooking strange-smelling food and throwing wild parties late into the night.  Neighbors say police dogs were called out on several occasions. 

Such incidents have triggered a wave of anti-Canada goose sentiment, but at this time revenge or hate crime motives are not suspected in the US Airways bird bashings. 

Forensic examination of the avian corpses continues, and technicians are analyzing the two cadavers under heat with chestnuts, prunes, and Armagnac. NTSB inspectors have contributed a supply of testing fluid, a 2005 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling from Alsace .  We will update this story as entrees details become available.

Powered By JFBConnect