logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

NTSB Report on Flight 1549

Preliminary Accident Report FT 1549.  Captain held responsible for unauthorized actions which resulted in crash says F.A.A..

Subject: NTSB Report on Flight 1549 

Hudson river_planeUS Airways violated Federal migratory bird regulations by hunting geese with an A320 Airbus jetliner, claim anonymous government sources.  The pilot of flight 1549, Air Force veteran and avid hunter Chesley B. Sullenberger, tried combining both of his interests by bagging a brace of geese over the wetlands near New York's LaGuardia airport after takeoff, on his way to Charlotte, North Carolina.

The imported European $77 million A320 airliner is not certified for either waterfowl or upland bird hunting, so it was not surprising that the aircraft malfunctioned.  When he realized that both New York and New Jersey State Game and Fish enforcement officers would soon be approaching, Captain Sullenberger unsuccessfully attempted to hide the plane in the Hudson River.

The crew and 150 passengers were chilled and shaken but unhurt. Most were simply grateful to avoid spending the weekend in Charlotte.

National Transportation Safety Board inspectors rushed to the scene, and reportedly found no Duck Stamps on the downed aircraft's fuselage.  Captain Sullenberger has not been charged, but is being held incommunicado at an undisclosed location.

PETA is urging the government to prosecute the pilot for double honkercide and poaching, and the animal rights group is expected to file a civil suit on behalf of the flock.  The two victims were undocumented aliens, according to sources close to the investigation, Canada geese who had over-stayed their visas.  Their goose gang scandalized their quiet Queens community by squatting in local cemeteries and golf courses, parking on the grass, cooking strange-smelling food and throwing wild parties late into the night.  Neighbors say police dogs were called out on several occasions. 

Such incidents have triggered a wave of anti-Canada goose sentiment, but at this time revenge or hate crime motives are not suspected in the US Airways bird bashings. 

Forensic examination of the avian corpses continues, and technicians are analyzing the two cadavers under heat with chestnuts, prunes, and Armagnac. NTSB inspectors have contributed a supply of testing fluid, a 2005 Zind-Humbrecht Riesling from Alsace .  We will update this story as entrees details become available.

Powered By JFBConnect

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Waiting For A Table

    When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up…
  • Default Image

    Finish Paving

    While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands…
  • Default Image

    Refueling

    Once my wife and I had to take a flight that had 4 other stops before arriving at the…
  • military inspection

    Needled

    At a naval barracks the enlisted men were being given their shots prior to going…
  • Default Image

    Primative Tech Support

    The tech support problem dates back to long before the industrial revolution, when…
  • Default Image

    Priory Priority

    The 104-year-old building that had served as the priory and primary student residence of…
  • Default Image

    Signs That Old Age Might Be Creeping Up On You

    Your favorite section of the newspaper is "25 Years Ago Today."The parts that have…
  • Default Image

    Forgetfulness

    While on a car trip, an old couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. The old…
  • man smile

    Strange Problem

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…
  • Default Image

    Nature Abhors A Simile

    There was something funny about the kidnapping crime scene that Special Agent Frievald…
  • Default Image

    $0.00

    In March 1992 a man living in Newtown near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his…
  • Default Image

    "Brake Down"

    My boss' wife Sherry was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable…
  • Default Image

    Store Safety

    While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker…
  • Default Image

    Meet the Parents

    A young man looking to get married asked his friend. "Every woman I bring home to meet my…
  • children3

    Kid Quotes

    "Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals."- Donna Maria G, age 9 "Laugh…