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More Jokes

  • accent boy

    Accents

    About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old…
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    Omitted Stories

    Reverend Smith, a respected church leader, arrived in a large city to deliver a series of…
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    Homework Help

    "Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my…
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    Used Lawn Mower

    A preacher retired and moved to the country to enjoy life and practice his hobby of yard…
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    Honeymoon Toast

    One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she…
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    Best 'Out of Office' Automatic Email Replies

    1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to…
  • thermometer

    How Cold is it?

    An annotated thermometer: (degrees Fahrenheit, then Celsius) +50 / +10* New York tenants…
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    CD Generation

    After I bought my mother a compact-disc player and some CDs, she was excited to discover…
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    Fish Fight Story

    Doug was describing a 30-pound bass he'd caught recently, after fighting it for three…
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    Careful Pulling The Plug

    Out in Kansas, tornadoes often hit with sudden devastation, and without warning. In one…
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    Find and Replace

    The age of the computer brings much ease and expertise to the preparation of the worship…
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    Out of Fuel

    Cessna: "Newark tower, Cessna 12345, student pilot, I am out of fuel."Tower: "Roger…
  • An historic tour company dressed their employees in colonial dress.

    Colonial Break

    A company offered tours through the historic district, led by guides dressed in Colonial…
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    Doctor Mistake

    During the course of being interviewed by the press, the noted doctor was asked by a…
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    Measuring Hunger

    The parents in our cycling group were discussing the subject of teenagers and their…

You are one of "two" people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute.  How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.

Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.

Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.

Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown that jumping out of a plane is NOT harmful to your health.

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