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  • red life_saver

    Officer Overboard

    On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do…
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    Catching Fish

    A guy had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without…
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    Why Parents Go Gray

    The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem…
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    Job Search Jargon

    Whether you are a student looking for that first time or summer job or a long-time…
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    Putting the Cat Out

    A couple is going out for an evening on the town.When they are almost ready to go, the…
  • doctor4

    Seconds First

    A young woman wasn't feeling well and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician.…
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    I Hope I'm Sick

    A fellow was sitting in the doctor's waiting room, and said to himself every so often,…
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    Need Help?

    I saw a billboard yesterday that said: Need help? Call Jesus.1-800-555-HELP Out of…
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    Dog Applicant

    A sign was hung in an office window. It read: Help wanted. Must type 70 words a minute.…
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    Leaving the Farm

    A dying granny tells her granddaughter, "I want to leave you my farm. That includes the…
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    Emergency Flowers

    I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was…
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    Weddings and Funerals

    Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling…
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    Fly Problem

    My husband is a doctor, and he received an emergency call from a patient. She had a fly…
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    Ammunition Substantiation

    An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter…
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    Translated Golf

    An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening…

You are one of "two" people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute.  How would you react?

Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway.

Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before.

Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute.

Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions.

Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline.

Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment.

Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too.

Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings.

Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss.

Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked.

Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases.

Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists.

English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions.

Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could.

Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute.

Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of.

Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute.

Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it.

Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable.

Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash.

Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine.

Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health.

Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown that jumping out of a plane is NOT harmful to your health.

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