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  • doctor4

    Exercise Pill

    "I'm prescribing these pills for you," said the doctor to the overweight patient who…
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    Razor Request

    Ronnie goes down to the barber shop. He gets his hair cut and then he is getting a shave.…
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    Egg Contents

    One Easter Sunday morning as the minister was preaching the children's sermon, he reached…
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    Stolen Turkey

    Ducking into confession with a turkey in his arms, Brian said, "Forgive me, Father, for I…
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    Nail Biting

    Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it’s biting my…
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    How does a home schooler change a light bulb?

    Q: How does a home schooler change a light bulb? A: First, mom checks three books on…
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    Get Your Own

    One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and…
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    Cute Baby

    When we brought our new-born son to the pediatrician for his first checkup, the doctor…
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    Collect Call

    My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.During a break, she decided to…
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    Mom's Phone

    Because my mother had a habit of losing her cordless phone, I bought her a phone with a…
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    Open Mouth, Insert Foot

    At the outpatient surgery center where I work, the anesthesiologist often chatted with…
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    Spelling Information

    "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company.""Would you spell that,…
  • picture of a makeup kit

    Beauty Cosmetics

    Todd's wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years…
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    Foot Pill

    A man limped into a hospital to have his foot X-rayed, and was asked to wait for the…
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    My Dog At It

    A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning. That was about half the…

15 "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist."

14 "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

13 "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."

12 "Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

11 "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

10 "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."

9 "Let's see. Hardtack and pemmican. That's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

8 "Who let the dogies out?"

7 "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

6 "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"

5 "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

4 "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?"

3 "Dangit, Jake, yer an enabler!"

2 "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."

And the number 1 line you'll never hear in a Western...

1 "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS! Okay, now a little to the left. Oooh! Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"

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