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More Jokes

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    Landing Request

    There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing because his…
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    Some Great Malapropisms...

    "I don't want anybody stepping on anyone else's thunder.""You can't pull the sheep over…
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    Pupil's Question

    A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate.""Ah, my son, it is what has brought great…
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    Sunday School Trap

    The youth director had been trying for months to get the little boy down the street to…
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    Why Don't I see You?

    A friend was in front of me coming out of church one day, and as always the preacher was…
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    Clumsy Ad Copy

    - No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really…
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    Jury Excuse

    "Please, Your Honor, I'd like to be excused from jury duty," pleaded an anxious-looking…
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    Collect Call

    My mother was away all weekend at a business conference.During a break, she decided to…
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    Quotable Quotes

    I stopped believing in Santa Claus when my mother took me to see him in a department…
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    Left Behind

    "You just go ahead," the man in the shopping mall said to his wife. "While you're…
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    Light Confusion

    A little boy forgot his lines in a Sunday School presentation.His mother, sitting in the…
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    The Beginning

    When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his…
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    Dream Woman

    A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of…
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    Employment History

    To pass the time while our plane was being de-iced, the flight attendants played a trivia…
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    Checking Newbie

    Her teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new…

15 "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist."

14 "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

13 "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."

12 "Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

11 "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

10 "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."

9 "Let's see. Hardtack and pemmican. That's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

8 "Who let the dogies out?"

7 "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

6 "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"

5 "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

4 "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?"

3 "Dangit, Jake, yer an enabler!"

2 "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."

And the number 1 line you'll never hear in a Western...

1 "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS! Okay, now a little to the left. Oooh! Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"

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