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The Top 15 Lines You'll Never Hear in a Western

15 "I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist."

14 "Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

13 "Can we postpone this duel till 12:05? I gotta use the little boys' room."

12 "Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

11 "Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

10 "I'm tellin' ya, I ain't shot no varmints since them PETA fellers set me straight."

9 "Let's see. Hardtack and pemmican. That's three grams of fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

8 "Who let the dogies out?"

7 "You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

6 "That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my therapist!"

5 "He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen eye for interior decoration."

4 "Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my butt look big?"

3 "Dangit, Jake, yer an enabler!"

2 "It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women is from Dodge."

And the number 1 line you'll never hear in a Western...

1 "HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS! Okay, now a little to the left. Oooh! Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"

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