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    No Pets Allowed

    Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a…
  • Signs of our Time

    Signs of the Times

    In a veterinarian's office:"All unattended children given free kitten" In the parking lot…
  • childrens hands

    Starting Over

    The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have…
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    Memory Clinic

    Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the…
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    High Blood Pressure

    A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical. The nurse starts with certain basic…
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    Alllleee-oop!

    A champion jockey is about to enter an important race on a new horse. The horse's trainer…
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    Collectable Receipts

    An woman went to traffic violation court for speeding, lost the argument as it always…
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    Kitchen Wizard

    My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping would be a snap if only she…
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    Swanky Dining

    The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre d,…
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    In the Fitting Room

    My girlfriend took her five-year-old daughter shopping with her. The little girl watched…
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    Basic Training

    For some recruits, there is nothing basic about basic training. It was clear that one…
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    Teapot Computer

    The secretary in our mental-health clinic chose a new screensaver -- a picture of a…
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    Speeding Juggler

    A driver was pulled over for speeding by a police officer. As the officer was writing the…
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    Mother's Flu

    (Notes pinned to the pillow of a mother who has the flu by her meaning husband.) Monday…
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    New Passport Photo

    Unfortunately, getting a new passport required a new photo. As I handed my ten-year-old…

After the death of a never married 94-year old spinster of his parish, the rector was given a note from her personal belongings.  In the woman's handwriting were specific instructions for her funeral service.  Along with the suggestions for Scripture readings and music were the following orders:

"There will be no male pallbearers.  Since they wouldn't take me out when I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead."

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