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    Calories That Don't Count

    Dieting is a lot easier when you factor in recently determined calorie counting…
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    Away Messages

    When you are out of the office, here are some away messages to use:1. Thank you for your…
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    Paper Eater

    A minister delivered a sermon in ten minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the…
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    Cure For Lateness

    Bob had this problem of getting up late in the morning and was always late for work.…
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    Bathroom Instructions

    On the first day of school, the Kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the…
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    Historical Application

    Steinberg needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications to…
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    Going to Disneyworld

    "Hey Grandpa!, can you make a noise like a frog?""I think I can do that. Why?""'Cuz Dad…
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    Do Something Nice

    Unable to attend the funeral after his Uncle Charlie died, a man who lived far away…
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    Career Cooling

    Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My…
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    One Liners

    *43.3% of statistics are meaningless! *Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.…
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    Hacker Safety

    The hacker hit the ball into the rough and landed on an anthill.He tried three times to…
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    If They Had a Doting Mother

    *If They Had a Doting Mother* MONA LISA'S MOTHER: "After all that money your father and I…
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    Negotiated Rules of Golf Between AARP and USGA

    The AARP has negotiated with the USGA to modify the following rules of golf for…
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    Late Excuse

    Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. "What's the story…
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    Big Toe Tingle

    A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day. "Doc, there's…

So George goes out on a really windy night to walk over and visit his friend Sam, who is sick in bed. Several hours later, George drags his weary body into Sam's house and collapses on the couch.

"I tell ya, Sam," George says, exhausted, "it is just brutal with that wind out there. For every step I took forward, I was pushed back two."

"Then how in the world did you ever make it over here?" Sam asks.

"Well," George pants, "shortly after I started out I realized it was hopeless and I turned around and headed back home."

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