Entertainment

The War of the Navels

People have navels of different kinds,
Ineys and outeys, to that we're resigned;
And so it has happened as it has before,
The difference became a reason for war.

Each side said that the other side was to blame,
For possessing navels that were not the same,
As those they were born with, and greatly admired,
A thing of rare beauty, all people desired.

Ineys and outeys both quickly became
A cause for great pride or a reason for shame;
And even when courtship had barely begun,
It created friction 'twix father and son.

A young man said, "Father, you give good advice,
But I find her navel exceedingly nice!"
His father said, "Son, don't you know it's a sin
To marry a girl with a navel curved in?

Our preacher will tell you, that without a doubt,
Your future wife's navel will have to curve out!"
The world has a great many problems to solve,
But none of them were half as hard to resolve;

Not one of the statesmen knew how to begin,
To decide if navels should curve out or in;
One said, "that the quarrel would not have begun,
If we were like Adam and did not have one!"

Then a plastic surgeon, a man of great fame,
Said, "We will make all belly buttons the same,
Then there never will be a cause to make war,
And peace will reign on the earth forevermore!"

But congress, as always, implanted a doubt,
Asked, "Will you make navels curve in or curve out?
Ineys and Outeys must both keep their pride--"
The doctor said, "We'll flip a coin to decide!"

The coin landed heads, and the Ineys had won,
And all belly buttons flashed under the sun,
Were shapely and beautiful, devoid of sin,
Because every one of the navels curved in.

The munition makers complained they'd grow poor,
Since all were the same, there'd be no cause for war!
But Satan replied, "There's no need for regrets
We'll foster a war between blonds and brunettes!"
(Lee Daniel Quinn)

A German farmer with relatives in the US sent them a package consisting of some pork sausages made from his old pig.

When they complained that the package had not yet arrived, he wrote:

"Cheer up. The wurst is yet to come."

Bob was on vacation, visiting a Las Vegas casino for the first time.

He decided to play the slots. Since he wasn't sure how to play a slot machine, he called an attendant over.

"Excuse me," Bob said. "How does this work?"

The worker showed him how to insert a bill, hit the spin button and pull the handle.

"And where does the money come out?" Bob asked.

The casino employee smiled and pointed to a far wall. "The ATM is over there."

"I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize."