It's graduation day, and everybody's going to get their diploma but Chet.
At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Chet graduate, let Chet graduate!"
The principal agrees to give Chet one last chance.
"If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Chet, how many apples do I have?" he asked.
Chet thought long and hard and then said: "Ten."
At that the entire senior class stood up and shouted, "Give Chet another chance. Give Chet another chance!"
Here is an exercise program for those of us whose wisdom exceeds our ambition. The doctor told me "Physical exercise is good for you." I know that I should do it, but my body is out of shape, so I have worked out this easy daily program I can do anywhere. If I can do it, you can do this, too.
Monday:
Beat around the bush.
Jump to conclusions.
Climb the walls.
Wade through paperwork.
Tuesday:
Drag my heels.
Push my luck.
Make mountains out of molehills.
Hit the nail on the head.
Wednesday:
Bend over backwards.
Jump on the bandwagon.
Balance the books.
Run around in circles.
Thursday:
Toot my own horn.
Climb the ladder of success.
Pull out the stops.
Add fuel to the fire.
Friday:
Open a can of worms.
Put my foot in my mouth.
Start the ball rolling.
Go over the edge.
Saturday:
Pick up the pieces.
Old folks are worth a fortune: With silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomachs. I have become more social with the passing of the years; some might even call me a frivolous old gal. I'm seeing five gentlemen everyday.
As soon as I wake, Will Power helps me get out of bed. Then I go see John. Then Charley Horse comes along, and when he is here he takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays the rest of the day. (He doesn't like to stay in one place very long, so he takes me from joint to joint.) After such a busy day, I'm really tired and glad to go to bed - with Ben Gay. What a life!
P.S. The preacher came to call the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him I do - all the time. No matter where I am - in the parlor, upstairs in the kitchen or down in the basement - I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"
After harvesting the usual bumper crop of squash last year, I took a half-dozen to the office. I piled them on the table in the break room and posted a sign advertising them as free.
The next day I noticed an addition to my sign. Below "Free Zucchini," someone had written, "Save the whales."
The Iams Pet Professionals, a team of 30 trained customer service representatives at The Iams Company, handle more than 300,000 inquiries a year from pet owners across the country. Although the majority of calls to the toll-free number are straightforward pet care and nutrition questions, some can be quite unconventional. Here are some of the team's favorite calls this year:
"My cat just came in from the garage and I was wondering. . . how many calories are in a mouse?"
"I have a neutered male cat. How old should he be before I can breed him?"
"Does your dog food help with emancipation?"
"What should I feed a borderline collie?"
"What size litter box do I need to keep my cat comfy?"
"Is it normal for a dog to shed?"
"How can I keep my cat from stealing my husband's toothbrush?"
"My cat passed a stool on the indoor rug and it's stuck in the vacuum cleaner. Any suggestions?"
"How can I get the secret recipe for your Iams(r) Chunks dog food?"
"How do I stop my cat from giving food to the dog?"
"Your food turned my dog into a stud. Now what do I do?"
"Do you know how to toilet train a cat?"
"I have three cats. Is it true that Eukanuba(r) Cat Food makes the poop smell better?"
"Will chewing pop cans remove enamel from my puppy's teeth?"
"Where can I get a six-toed cat?"
"I really like your paw print logo. Does Iams have a tattoo?"
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
