Nobody can say I didn't warn the Mistress of the Parsonage, for all the good my warning did. And, I'm not one to say, "I told you so," but, "I told you so."
I swear, at times I think my wife thinks I don't want to do something simply because I'm too lazy. Nine times out of 10 it may be true, but what about that tenth time?
What women need to understand is when their husband doesn't do something, there may be a good, logical reason behind it. The problem men have is articulating their perfectly good reasons to their better half. Trust me on this one, ladies.There are excellent reasons your husband doesn't always do what you request of him. I wish someone would explain this to my wife. It's just hard for us to explain it in terms you can understand.
LAST WEEK, for example, my wife made a request of me. She said, "Honey ..."
Whenever my wife begins a sentence with "Honey," I know I'm in for a sticky situation.
Honey comes from bees and whenever she so addresses me, I know I be in trouble, and you can be sure there is a stinger in it for me - somewhere.
My wife was looking out the window last week, with her arms folded, which means she's thinking of some job around the house for Yours Truly, when she said, "Honey, don't you think you should wash the car?"
IF I LIVE to be a hundred, that thought never crossed my mind. Do you know how much trouble it is to wash my car?
Then, it never fails to rain right after I wash the car and have to wash it all over again.
That was on Tuesday and I said to my wife, "You know, Dear," whenever a husband so addresses his wife, it always means he's trying to find some way out of doing her request, while making it sound likes he wants to do it, just for her.
I said, "You know, Dear, it's a wonderful idea but it looks like it might rain." The key to this point is to put on a grimace and look up in the sky, in a thoughtful frame of mind. "Yes, I think I saw a raindrop. It won't be long now."
RIGHT HERE is where most men fail. Simply because the first round is over does not mean, by any stretch of the imagination, that the issue is put to rest. I can sum up the next move in one word - vamoose.
In other words, disappear. Remember the old saying, "Out of sight, out of chores."
Find something to get you out of the line of fire. There is always a chance - slim though it be - the Missus will get busy with something else and forget.
BY THURSDAY, I forgot the car washing idea and was standing around our living room looking out the window. It seemed harmless enough.
Have you heard the old saying, "An idle husband is a wife's workhorse."
I heard those familiar words beginning with "Honey ..." and a streak of panic flowed through my body, freezing up every muscle I still had. "Honey, our car really needs a good washing."
Now, that was bad enough and I think I could have worked out something else except - before I could clear my throat, she added a phrase no husband wants to hear. "Don't you agree?"
If I say, "No," I'm in trouble.
If I say, "Yes," I'm in trouble.
I have long believed that women, when it comes to things around the house, do not play fair. Somewhere along the line, their training (probably from their mothers) lacked this basic concept of fairness.
I'm duped if I don't and doped if I do. How's a husband to win with the odds so stacked against him?
With a feigned meekness that would make St. Francis of Assisi envious, I said what all good husbands say under similar conditions, "Yes, Dear."
The next three hours found me outside, vigorously washing Old Nelly. As I washed her, I could feel someone (I'm not mentioning any names) watching from our living room window.
The smile on my face camouflaged the clinched teeth behind it.
Just as I was putting the finishing touches on the wax job, I felt something cold on the back of my neck. At first, being engrossed in my chore, I did not pay any attention to it.
Then another - and another - and another. Then came the rain.
I glanced at my freshly waxed car and saw drops of water cheerfully dancing on my mirrored hood.
The thunder sounded like a heavenly giggle and before I could make it to the door, I was completely drenched.
Ducking inside out of the rain, I was greeted by my wife who calmly asked, "Oh, my. Is it raining?"
"Of course it's raining," I shivered, "I've just washed my car."
As I was drying off, I chuckled to myself as a favorite Bible verse came to mind.
"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." (Romans 8:28 KJV.)
Two things in life are for certain.
One: things will always fall apart.
Two: God can always take those things that fall apart and pull them together for His honor and glory - come rain or shine.
Copyright, Rev. James L. Snyder
Used With Permission
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