Monthly Archive

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1915

<1min

One-liner #0597

I have a speech impediment... my foot.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1854

<1min

One-liner #0598

I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order like it should be.- Spike Donner from Ruminations... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1866

<1min

One-liner #0599

I hope that after I die, people will say of me, "That guy sure owed me a lot of money."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1932

<1min

One-liner #0600

I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1885

<1min

One-liner #0601

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" but just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1938

<1min

One-liner #0602

I married Miss Right - I just didn't know her first name was Always.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

2047

<1min

One-liner #0603

I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.(Greg Norman)... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1930

<1min

One-liner #0604

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction - I get to the end and say, "Well, that's not going to happen."... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1947

<1min

One-liner #0605

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.- Marcus Brigstocke... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

2018

<1min

One-liner #0606

I think Bill Gates is so rich because he got his wish when he said, "I wish I had a nickel for every time this PC rebooted!"- Chris Caswell... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

2102

<1min

One-liner #0607

I tried doing stand-up once but everyone just laughed at me.- Ziggy... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1898

<1min

One-liner #0608

I was having dinner with world chess champion Garry Kasparov - our table had a check tablecloth and it took him two hours to pass me the salt.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1938

<1min

One-liner #0609

I went through hypnosis to lose weight . . . how much does $120 weigh?... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

2059

<1min

One-liner #0610

I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1881

<1min

One-liner #0611

I wouldn't touch the Metric System with a 3.048m pole!... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1935

<1min

One-liner #0612

If Alexander Graham Bell had a teenage daughter, he never would have invented the telephone.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

2030

<1min

One-liner #0613

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1947

<1min

One-liner #0614

If God had wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1917

<1min

One-liner #0615

If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.- Jack Lemmon... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

2162

<1min

One-liner #0616

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire - they're trained for that.- Milton Jones... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

2013

<1min

One-liner #0617

I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.... read more..

29 Jul

One-liners

Pastor Tim

1912

<1min

One-liner #0618

In high school, I was voted the girl most likely to become a nun - that may not be impressive to you, but it was quite an accomplishment at the Hebrew Academy.- Rita Rudner... read more..