Monthly Archive

I refuse to visit Marx's tomb because it's all just a communist plot.... read more..

A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said."Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked."No," the caller a... read more..

When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty tollbooth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled... read more..

Seen on a sign at a Towing Company:"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."... read more..

This weekend while shopping in a local toy store, I came across a long line of people waiting for a promised shipment of dolls from Mattel. As I scanned the line, I noticed a friend waiting with all ... read more..

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors.He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys,tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole wor... read more..

"The judge had not yet put in an appearance in the San Diego traffic court. When the bailiff entered the courtroom, he sensed the nervousness of the traffic offenders awaiting their ordeal."Good morni read more..

Time used to fly; now it's afraid of terrorists.... read more..

We have an old tree that became diseased and was losing its bark. We felt it needed a bark transplant and called a tree surgeon.The communication was mangled and when the surgeon arrived, he went to ... read more..

The state trooper pulled Mr. Schwarz over and, after inspecting his license and registration, informed the motorist that he was going to have to spend the night in jail."What's the charge? Mr. Schwa... read more..

"You look sad, Fred, what's the trouble?""Domestic trouble.""But you're always bragging that your wife is a pearl!""She really is. It's the mother-of-pearl that's giving me trouble!" read more..

Way down upon the Mississippi, two tugboat captains who had been friends for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other.A new crewman asked his ship's firs... read more..

I heard a little kid on the radio with a pretty good pun. "You can tune a piano, though you can't tuna fish, though they both have scales."... read more..

My daughter was telling me about a trip to the zoo with her grandparents and how she saw a very large turtle who approached them. She exclaimed, "He was walking right tortoise!"... read more..

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan."Years later, Juan sends a pictu... read more..

The game show contestant was only 200 points behind the leader and about to answer the final question - worth 500 points!"To be today's champion," the show's smiling host intoned, "name two of Santa's... read more..

Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?He's fully recovered!... read more..

It was April 1st, and in a small midwestern town, two rookie policemen were patrolling the downtown business area. They decided to stop into the local coffee shop for a coffee and a donut. The time wa... read more..

A news item this morning was about a local coal miner. It seems That his vocation was painting, but since he couldn't afford to buy canvasses he simply painted on the wall of his small cottage. Unfor... read more..

The Vatican Express Card. Don't leave Rome without it.... read more..

"Welcome to the Church of the Leafy Vegetable. Lettuce pray." read more..

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?""Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then... read more..

Did you hear about the veterinarian who was barred from performing any surgery because he suffered from bouts of epilepsy?The cops busted him for attempting to operate on a sick predatory bird but the... read more..

A woman walks into a vet's waiting room. She's dragging a wet rabbit on a leash. The rabbit does not want to be there."Sit, Fluffy," she says.Fluffy glares at her, and sopping wet, jumps up on anoth... read more..

A business man called a travel agent and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, the travel agent reminded him he needed a v... read more..

My grandson, Chris, has worn glasses since the age of three. When he was in the first grade he came home one day very distressed. Wanting to find out what was the matter, his mother asked, "Chris, w... read more..

"In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes." read more..

The diner was furious when his steak arrived too rare. "Waiter," he barked, "didn't you hear me say 'well done'?"I can't thank you enough, sir," replied the waiter."I hardly ever get a compliment."... read more..

HOW TO MAKE A TOURNIQUET by Hank R. Schiff HANDLING YOUR EMOTIONS by Mel. N. Collie CALM DOWN by Ed. G. Nerves KNOCKING YOUR FUNNY BONE by Howard Hertz... read more..

Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school the couple... read more..