Monthly Archive

Bob Hope once received an award and graciously gave full credit to his four writers for making it possible.The next to receive the award was Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. He stepped to the mike and with a g... read more..

Before performing a baptism, the priest approached the young father and said solemnly, "Baptism is a serious step. Are you prepared for it?""I think so," the man replied. "My wife has made appetizers ... read more..

Before I could enroll in my company's medical insurance plan, I needed to fill out a questionnaire. As expected, the form was very thorough, leaving nothing to chance.One question asked, "Do you think... read more..

Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbour and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table."Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "... read more..

Barbecuing - It's the only type of cooking a "real" man will do.When a man volunteers to do such cooking, the following chain of events is put into motion:(1) The woman goes to the store.(2) The woman... read more..

At the Internal Revenue Service where I used to work, no officer was immune from letters of complaint written by disgruntled taxpayers. One time an irate farmer wrote to my supervisor: "Please tell O... read more..

At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration."Tell us, Tom, just what is it you hav... read more..

At a dinner party, one of the guests was an obnoxiously loud young man. He made disparaging remarks about everyone and everything. When served a piece of meat, he picked it up with his fork, held it ... read more..

At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Immediately he began paying her court and flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit... read more..

An indigent client who had been injured in an accident went looking for a lawyer to represent him without cost. One lawyer told him that he would take the case on contingency. When the client asked ... read more..

After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who firs... read more..

After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to town to avoid passing my favorite bakery. I accidentally drove by the bakery this morning and there in the window was a host of my favorite goodies.I ... read more..

After a lengthy conference with the estranged husband, the lawyer reported to his client, "Jill, I have succeeded in making a settlement with your husband that is eminently fair to both of you.""Fair ... read more..

A zoning board had just been set up in a new community. A homeowner went to the office to request permission to build a small tool shed in his backyard."Do you have a plan?" asked the director."Oh, ye... read more..

A worried Mrs. Melnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear."How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?""Oh, mother," s... read more..

A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother.The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering and she begins moaning. Eventually, a voice comes, saying, "Granddaught... read more..

A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for ... read more..

A tired mom opened the front door of her home to find a young minister from the neighborhood who said, "I'm collecting donations for the new children's home we're building. I hope you'll give what yo... read more..

A rookie pitcher was struggling at the mound, so the catcher walked out to have a talk with him. "I've figured out your problem," he told the young southpaw. "You always seem to lose control at the s... read more..

A rancher applied for a loan at a bank. "How much do you want to borrow?" asked the loan interviewer."Twenty-five thousand dollars.""All right, but you'll have to show security. How many bulls do yo... read more..

A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis.A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!"The Priest replied, ... read more..

A police officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you... read more..

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make an offering"Great idea!... read more..

A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and h... read more..

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Fin... read more..

A mathematics teacher came into the faculty room after she'd been watching a basketball game. Her face was glowing. "I've got the greatest idea for teaching!" she exclaimed."What do you mean? What'... read more..

A man went to a barber shop to have his hair cut as always. He started to have a good conversation with the barber who was cutting his hair. They talked about so many things and various subjects. S... read more..

A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch tho... read more..

A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted.Th... read more..

A man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and said, "You know, I've lost my wife somewhere in this huge supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why?" she asks.... read more..