logo

sign-up-for-free-cybersalt-today-button

More Jokes

  • Default Image

    Astronomers Declare February No Longer a Month

    Emboldened by their success in declaring Pluto not a planet, the International…
  • violin

    The Violin

    Little Hope was practicing the violin in the living room while her father was trying to…
  • picture of seeing eye dog

    Can You See Me?

    I'm a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many…
  • law offices

    Lawyer Questions

    The following questions from lawyers (and answers from witnesses) were taken from…
  • Default Image

    Pay Mistakes

    One day, an employee received an unusually large check. She decided not to say anything…
  • bride

    Give and Take

    All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They…
  • Default Image

    For Charlotte

    A DJ was introducing a record. "This next one," he said, "is for Charlotte Burke, who is…
  • Default Image

    Makeup Routine

    Every morning, a little girl would go in the bathroom to watch Mommy as she was putting…
  • Default Image

    Men, Dogs, Women

    1. How Dogs and Men Are the Same Both take up too much space on the bed.Both have…
  • Default Image

    Church Bulletin Bloopers

    The following have all genuinely appeared in church bulletins!* Next weekend's Fasting &…
  • Default Image

    College Applicant

    Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into the college of their…
  • Default Image

    Maritime Museum

    Some midshipmen were tasked at the maritime museum to do the "dirty work" of restoring a…
  • Default Image

    Who Am I?

    Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our church's…
  • Default Image

    Dog Growth

    A distraught dog owner called his vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained…
  • Default Image

    Definitions

    ADULT:A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.…

You've seen those fitness ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape now. The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime.

Inner Thighs: Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be damaged.

Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed - onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and so on.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full length of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into the back of your knees.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3: (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and answer the phone before it stops ringing.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 4: (alternate) For older dogs, attempt to cross a room without tripping over the dog. Get off your couch without crushing any part of a sleeping elderly dog.

Upper Arms: Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous.

Upper Arms: (alternate) Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock. Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first).

Hand Coordination: Remove foreign object from dog's locked jaw. This exercise is especially popular with puppy owners. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed exercise. Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches.

Calves: After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only for those with strong bones and small dogs. Have you taken your calcium supplement today?

Calves: (alternate) Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty. Dogs of any size can be used for this exercise. Greyhounds are inadvisable.

Neck Muscles: Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed for your ear, mouth, or eyeball. This is a lifelong fitness program. A dog is never too old or too feeble to "kiss" you when you least expect it.

Powered By JFBConnect