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  • letter-writing

    Rejected Rejection

    Re: Rejected Rejection Dear Ms. Ezell: Thank you for your letter of July 17. After…
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    Fearless Leader

    As a professor at Texas A & M, I taught during the day and did research at night. I would…
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    No Chat Excuse

    After a close friend moved away, we began to communicate by computer. We met each week in…
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    Exercise Routine

    Here's the exercise program I am using to stay in shape this year. You might want to take…
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    Radio Transmission

    This is the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a U.S. naval ship and…
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    Corrections

    IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are one of hundreds of parachuting enthusiasts who bought our…
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    Doody Solution

    A little three-year-old boy is sitting on the toilet. His mother thinks he has been in…
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    Finch Flush

    When my youngest son was three years old, one of his finches died. It was winter so we…
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    Think of a Number

    Think of a number.Multiply it by 3.Now add 5.Take away the number you first thought…
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    Call For A Ride

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    Silly Q&A

    Did you hear about the guy that lost his left arm and leg in a car crash?He's all right…
  • Car-pooling, wallets and suspicions are a bad mix.

    Stolen Wallet

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    Bus Fare

    Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train…
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    Eye Contact

    A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her…
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    A Man's Guide to What A Woman Is Saying

    I JUST NEED SOME SPACE. .... without you in it. DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS DRESS? We haven't…

dog6You've seen those fitness ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment. If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to get in shape now. The following exercises can be done anywhere, anytime.

Inner Thighs: Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be damaged.

Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this exercise is reversed - onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and so on.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when your dog bounds across the full length of the room, sails through the air, and slams both front paws into the back of your knees.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 3: (for use with multiple dogs) Remove all dogs from lap and answer the landline before it stops ringing.

Balance and Coordination, Exercise 4: (alternate) For older dogs, attempt to cross a room without tripping over the dog. Get off your couch without crushing any part of a sleeping elderly dog.

Upper Arms: Throw the ball. Throw the squeaky toy. Throw the Frisbee. Repeat until nauseous.

Upper Arms: (alternate) Tug the rope. Tug the pull toy. Tug the sock. Repeat until your shoulder is dislocated or the dog gives up (we all know which comes first).

Hand Coordination: Remove foreign object from dog's locked jaw. This exercise is especially popular with puppy owners. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Remember, this is a timed exercise. Movements must be quick and precise (think concert pianist) to prevent trips to the vet, which only offer the minimal exercise benefit of jaw firming clenches.

Calves: After the dog has worn out the rest of your body, hang a circular toy on your ankle and let the dog tug while you tug back. WARNING: This is feasible only for those with strong bones and small dogs. Have you taken your calcium supplement today?

Calves: (alternate) Run after dog - pick any reason, there are plenty. Dogs of any size can be used for this exercise. Greyhounds are inadvisable.

Neck Muscles: Attempt to outmaneuver the canine tongue headed for your ear, mouth, or eyeball. This is a lifelong fitness program. A dog is never too old or too feeble to "kiss" you when you least expect it.

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