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More Jokes

  • A funny diatribe about children and parenting

    Lamentation For Our Kids

    This is rather lengthy but funny. *Laws Pertaining to Dessert* For we judge between the…
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    Clumsy Ad Copy

    - No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really…
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    Prescription Worries

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know,…
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    Top Ten Toys You May Have Trouble Finding This Year

    10. Sister's Dollhouse and Night Vision Ninja Assassin 9. Tuba Hero - World Tour8. Low…
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    Reward Change

    A lady lost her handbag at the mall. An honest young lad found it and returned it to her.…
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    Lion Attack

    Two wildlife documentary film makers were filming a wild lion in Africa when they both…
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    Understanding Art

    Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a…
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    Patient Problem

    When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his…
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    Novice Immerser

    The young son of a Baptist minister was in church one morning when he saw for the first…
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    Dewey Check

    I walked into my sister's kitchen and found my nephew, Dewey, having a snack."Where's…
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    Water Pistol

    When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a…
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    When One Shows Up

    A preacher prepared for Sunday morning service, but only one person, a farmer, was there.…
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    Burning Call

    A screenwriter comes home to a burned down house. His sobbing and slightly-singed wife is…
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    Ploughing at Night

    A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends.…
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    Officer Overboard

    On a U.S. cruiser the officer of the deck asked the starboard lookout, "What would you do…

How To Please Your I.T. Department

[A quick check list for those who need to make contact.]

1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.

2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here.

3. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 700 screen saver passwords.

4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all.

5. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail with high importance, delete it at once. We're just testing.

6. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve.

7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery.

8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support.

There's electronics in it.

9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here.

10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors.

11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle.

12. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.

13. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us.

14. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least

20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.

15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.

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