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    The Grandma Test

    I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter. She picked up something off the…
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    Long Passwords

    My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on…
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    Johnny's Prayer

    Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and…
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    The 3 stages of man

    The 3 stages of man:He believes in Santa Claus.He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.He is…
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    Saved By The Tomato (copyrighted??)

    An unemployed man is desperate to support his family. His wife watches TV all day and his…
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    When Aging Reality Sets In

    *When Aging Reality Sets In*1. Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying…
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    Waterology

    I'm sure you've heard the old story referring to optimism and pessimism that is…
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    Just A Kiss Per Yard

    Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy…
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    Flower Switch

    A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for…
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    Anniversary Card

    It was our second anniversary, and my husband sent me flowers at the office.He told the…
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    Homework Problem

    One of my third-graders came to school crying. "Jonathan's upset because he couldn't…
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    Goober Golf Dispute

    Two goobers were starting a round of Golf together. On the first tee, the first guy…
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    Workin' on the Railroad

    Benny wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. At his interview, the inspector asked…
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    Jar Number 47

    A new miracle doctor had just arrived in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and…
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    College Applicant

    Parents can be very upset when their children don't get into the college of their…

*New Computer Viruses You Should Know About*

THE LIBERAL VIRUS Before deleting all your files, this virus tells you: "That you don't need them anyway and they wouldn't want to be burdened with such overwhelming responsibilities as file maintenance."

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS This revolutionary virus does not horse around.  It warns you of impending hard disk attack -once if by LAN, twice if by C:\ POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

ROSS PEROT VIRUS Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS Terminates and stays resident.  It'll be back.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

TEXAS VIRUS Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1 The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2 Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

AIRLINE VIRUS You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

SEARS VIRUS Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS Your programs can never be found again.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS Sings you a song (slightly off-key) on boot-up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no new files!" on the screen.
It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

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