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More Jokes

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    Chute Error

    While being transported to basic training as a new enlistee of the Air National Guard, I…
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    Casual Day

    I used to work for a large company, they often did special things for us to make work a…
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    Soup Solution

    Customer: Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!Waiter: Don't worry, sir. The frog should…
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    More Signs

    In the front yard of a funeral home, "Drive carefully, we'll wait." On an electrician's…
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    Pole Power

    I was getting ready for work when I looked out the window and saw the utility company…
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    Helicopter Debate

    My cousin worked on the Alaska pipeline as a welder. He said helicopters were a big help…
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    10 Questions

    Our local paper runs a popular column called "10 Questions" that spotlights people who…
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    One Rifle Hunting

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Church Visit

    My grandson, Justin, returned from his first time in church and was asked how it went.He…
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    Pig Feed

    There was a farmer who had many pigs. One day someone went to the farm and asked the…
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    Mental Test

    A noted psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering of humor editors, and his host naturally…
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    Mad Cow Conversation

    Two cows are conversing in a field. The first one says to the other, "Have you heard…
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    10 Words That Don't Exist, But Should

    1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on…
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    Referrals

    When our local doctor began attending church services the minister was delighted, and it…
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    Better Preacher

    After the visiting preacher finished, a woman came up and said, "You were much better…

*New Computer Viruses You Should Know About*

THE LIBERAL VIRUS Before deleting all your files, this virus tells you: "That you don't need them anyway and they wouldn't want to be burdened with such overwhelming responsibilities as file maintenance."

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS This revolutionary virus does not horse around.  It warns you of impending hard disk attack -once if by LAN, twice if by C:\ POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

ROSS PEROT VIRUS Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS Terminates and stays resident.  It'll be back.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

TEXAS VIRUS Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1 The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2 Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

AIRLINE VIRUS You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

SEARS VIRUS Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS Your programs can never be found again.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS Sings you a song (slightly off-key) on boot-up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no new files!" on the screen.
It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

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