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More Jokes

  • Pictures of a Mother's Day Frame

    Mother Quotes

    PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER: "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight…
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    This Town is so Small...

    This town is so small . . .- The City Jail is called amoeba, because it only has one…
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    Hymns For Professionals

    DENTIST: Crown Him with many crownsCONTRACTORS: The church's one foundationOBSTETRICIANS:…
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    New Convert Help

    He was not well-educated and rather rough and crude around the edges, but he was recently…
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    Business Report

    My company had a successful year, and at the annual meeting, employees eagerly awaited…
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    Driver's License Examiners

    While discussing the plight of Driver's license examiners, a former motor-vehicle-bureau…
  • picture of a car crash

    More Insurance Claims

    "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled…
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    Halloween Pun

    Bob Hill and his new wife, Betty, were vacationing in Europe -- as it happens, in…
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    Haircut

    Boss: You got your hair cut on company time.Susie: It grew on company time.Boss: Not all…
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    Couple Descriptions

    Even mismatched couples may described kindly.1. He's a chiropractor, and she is a pain in…
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    High Tech Flying

    The passengers on the jetliner were relaxing in their seats for the long flight. The…
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    Lion Tamer

    A man told the ringmaster that he was interested in joining the circus as a lion tamer.…
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    Bragging Rights

    A limousine had encountered a red traffic light and was waiting for it to change when a…
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    Golf Discovery

    A wife was getting tired of her husband golfing every Saturday, so she decided to go with…
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    Super Golfball

    Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed that…

*New Computer Viruses You Should Know About*

THE LIBERAL VIRUS Before deleting all your files, this virus tells you: "That you don't need them anyway and they wouldn't want to be burdened with such overwhelming responsibilities as file maintenance."

OPRAH WINFREY VIRUS Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

AT&T VIRUS Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

MCI VIRUS Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

PAUL REVERE VIRUS This revolutionary virus does not horse around.  It warns you of impending hard disk attack -once if by LAN, twice if by C:\ POLITICALLY CORRECT VIRUS Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

ROSS PEROT VIRUS Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

MARIO CUOMO VIRUS It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

TED TURNER VIRUS Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER VIRUS Terminates and stays resident.  It'll be back.

GOVERNMENT ECONOMIST VIRUS Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

FEDERAL BUREAUCRAT VIRUS Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.

GALLUP VIRUS Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

TEXAS VIRUS Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

ADAM AND EVE VIRUS Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple computer.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #1 The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

CONGRESSIONAL VIRUS #2 Runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.

AIRLINE VIRUS You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

FREUDIAN VIRUS Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

PBS VIRUS Your computer stops every few minutes to ask for money.

SEARS VIRUS Your data won't appear unless you buy new cables, power supply and a set of shocks.

JIMMY HOFFA VIRUS Your programs can never be found again.

IMELDA MARCOS VIRUS Sings you a song (slightly off-key) on boot-up, then subtracts money from your Quicken account and spends it all on expensive shoes it purchases through Prodigy.

STAR TREK VIRUS Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.

HEALTH CARE VIRUS Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and sends you a bill for $4,500.

GEORGE BUSH VIRUS It starts by boldly stating, "Read my docs...no new files!" on the screen.
It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional Virus.

CHICAGO CUBS VIRUS Your PC makes frequent mistakes and comes in last in the reviews, but you still love it.

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