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    Grandmothers

    The following have been taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds.A grandmother…
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    Four Little Words

    Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch.…
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    Knowing the Numbers

    The teacher asked one of her young students if he knew his numbers."Yes," he said. "I do.…
  • picture of a hot pepper

    Pepper Advice

    When chopping a hot pepper... 1. Do NOT rub your nose... and if you do and it starts to…
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    Got Any Crackers

    A duck walks into a bar and asks "Got any crackers? "Bartender says no.Duck walks…
  • computer keyboard

    A Better Keyboard

    What do we want? A keyboard for fat fingers! When do we want it? BOW!
  • classroom

    Actual Elementary School Excuse Notes

    * "Jerry was at his grandmother's yesterday, and she did not bring him to school because…
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    Charity Auction

    The auto auction I attended was selling cars to benefit charity. Vehicles were classified…
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    Dad and Baby

    One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some…
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    Camping Privacy

    Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their…
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    Three Legged Chicken

    A man was driving along a rural road one day when he saw a three legged chicken. He was…
  • A young boy watches his dad help birth a calf.

    Calf Birth

    A man was helping one of his cows give birth when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing…
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    Army Nurse Training

    During basic training for the Army Nurse Corps, we were required to spend one week in the…
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    Knitting Chinese

    Many years ago my wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic…
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    Truth About Children

    Truth About Children: - A baby usually wakes up in the wee-wee hours of the morning. - A…

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

Press any key except...  no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

Close your eyes and press escape three times.

Bad command or file name!  Go stand in the corner.

This will end your Windows session.  Do you want to play another game?

Windows message: "Error saving file!  Format drive now?  (Y/Y)"

To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

BREAKFAST.SYS halted...  Cereal port not responding.

COFFEE.SYS missing...  Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

CONGRESS.SYS corrupted...  Re-boot Washington D.C?  (Y/N)

File not found.  Should I fake it?  (Y/N)

Bad or missing mouse.  Spank the cat?  (Y/N)

Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one?  (Y/N)

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found.  Use backup.  (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

User Error: Replace user.

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it?  (Y/N)"

Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...

If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations.  Doesn't it feel nice to have security?

Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly fill your hard drives, the following message is now required as you save your files in Word.
"Word has detected that you don't wish to save your text file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with potential viruses.  Would you like to save your old outdated ascii file as a Word file anyway?"

Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted.  The police are on the way.

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