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    Growing Up

    While on recess duty at the elementary school where I teach, I was talking with several…
  • picture of a hang glider

    Zeek's Hang Glider

    In the back woods of Gooberland, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek,…
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    Zoo Sign

    Although fun to visit, zoos do pose certain perils. But to whom? A sign posted in the…
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    Out of This World Bait

    My daughter-in-law Alma and grandson Eddy were digging for fishing bait in my garden.…
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    Swindled

    A newsboy was standing on the corner with a stack of papers, yelling, "Read all about it.…
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    Coffee Delivery

    The young clerk's responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee at the…
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    Movie Night

    My wife was complaining that I spend too much time on the computer, and not enough time…
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    Mommy Test

    I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the…
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    Window Savings

    A window salesman phoned a customer. "Hello, Mr. Brown," said the sales rep. "I'm calling…
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    Chicken Recovery

    A farmer's son was returning from the market with the crate of chickens his father had…
  • phone help

    Phone Calls

    Caller: I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in Cardiff, please. Operator: I'm…
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    Thai This For a Change

    An elderly couple, Marty and Helen, along with some friends agreed to try a Thai…
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    New Number

    We telemarketers know we're universally loathed. Still, some people are quite pleasant on…
  • Doctor helps wife with husband's snoring

    Financing Surgery

    A woman had a medical problem - her husband's snoring. So, she called the doctor one…
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    Y1K Problem

    Canterbury, England. AD 999. An atmosphere close to panic prevails today throughout…

Smash forehead on keyboard to continue.

Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.

Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.

Press any key except...  no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!

Press Ctrl-Alt-Del now for IQ test.

Close your eyes and press escape three times.

Bad command or file name!  Go stand in the corner.

This will end your Windows session.  Do you want to play another game?

Windows message: "Error saving file!  Format drive now?  (Y/Y)"

To "shut down" your system, type "WIN."

BREAKFAST.SYS halted...  Cereal port not responding.

COFFEE.SYS missing...  Insert cup in cup holder and press any key.

CONGRESS.SYS corrupted...  Re-boot Washington D.C?  (Y/N)

File not found.  Should I fake it?  (Y/N)

Bad or missing mouse.  Spank the cat?  (Y/N)

Runtime Error 6D at 417A:32CF: Incompetent User.

Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one?  (Y/N)

WinErr 16547: LPT1 not found.  Use backup.  (PENCIL & PAPER.SYS)

User Error: Replace user.

Windows VirusScan 1.0 - "Windows found: Remove it?  (Y/N)"

Welcome to Microsoft's World - Your Mortgage is Past Due...

If you are an artist, you should know that Bill Gates owns you and all your future creations.  Doesn't it feel nice to have security?

Required Government Warning: After we got caught in cahoots with the hardware manufacturers for trying to needlessly fill your hard drives, the following message is now required as you save your files in Word.
"Word has detected that you don't wish to save your text file as a lumpy and space wasting .doc format filled with potential viruses.  Would you like to save your old outdated ascii file as a Word file anyway?"

Your hard drive has been scanned and all stolen software titles have been deleted.  The police are on the way.

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