Signs Your SUV Is Too Big
~ The last time you took your kids to a Monster Truck pull the parking attendants directed you right onto the stadium racetrack.
~ When you replaced your tires, Goodyear stock went up five dollars a share for the quarter.
~ Your garage is larger than your house.
~ One of those "Oversize Load" escort trucks has to precede you down the interstate.
~ Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as "downsizing."
~ Before you go out, you have to file for a parade permit.
~ You're the first one in your neighborhood to own a 2004 Halliburton-Rolling House S-Class twin-turbo.
~ It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into orbit.
~ There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back.
~ It doubles as a carport for your Taurus.
~ It's great for soccer moms, since the back seat folds down into an entire field, complete with goals.
~ You need a Sherpa and an oxygen tank to reach the driver's seat.
~ Your buddy riding shotgun is in a different time zone.
~ Mortgage payment = $2200. Texaco card payment = $2201.
~ You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately because it qualifies as a WMD.
~ The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.