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    *Food Spoilage Tests For Bachelors*

    THE GAG TEST: Anything that makes you gag is spoiled (except for leftovers from what you…
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    Second Opinion

    A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very worried and all strung out. She rattled…
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    Earworms

    Earworms are songs that crawl into your head and stay. 98% of us have had a song stuck in…
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    Picture Menu

    I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the…
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    You Know You Are From Arizona When

    You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.You can endure 110 degrees without…
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    MIT PHD

    There's the story about the MIT student who spent an entire summer going to Harvard…
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    Diamond Assumption

    An acquaintance of mine, whose daughter was about to be married, decided to give her a…
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    Goodwill Offering

    During the last Sunday service that the visiting pastor was to spend at the church he…
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    Tennis Ball Lesson

    A college professor had the mysterious habit of walking into the lecture hall each…
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    Pet Names

    Bernie was invited to his ageing friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded…
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    Driving Flash

    A man was driving down the road. He passed a traffic camera and saw it flash.Astounded…
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    Tim Robbed

    One night, Tim was walking home when, all of a sudden, a thief jumped on him. Tim and the…
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    Confession

    A young girl once confessed to her priest that she thought she was guilty of the sin of…
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    Ring Appraisal

    An acquaintance of mine whose daughter was about to be married decided to give her a…
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    Question and Answer

    A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination.On the paper…

Signs Your SUV Is Too Big

~ The last time you took your kids to a Monster Truck pull the parking attendants directed you right onto the stadium racetrack.

~ When you replaced your tires, Goodyear stock went up five dollars a share for the quarter.

~ Your garage is larger than your house.

~ One of those "Oversize Load" escort trucks has to precede you down the interstate.

~ Your kids refer to riding the bus to school as "downsizing."

~ Before you go out, you have to file for a parade permit.

~ You're the first one in your neighborhood to own a 2004 Halliburton-Rolling House S-Class twin-turbo.

~ It has its own gravitational field and has drawn a Geo Metro into orbit.

~ There are two successful Starbucks franchises located in the back.

~ It doubles as a carport for your Taurus.

~ It's great for soccer moms, since the back seat folds down into an entire field, complete with goals.

~ You need a Sherpa and an oxygen tank to reach the driver's seat.

~ Your buddy riding shotgun is in a different time zone.

~ Mortgage payment = $2200. Texaco card payment = $2201.

~ You get a letter from Hans Blix demanding that it be dismantled immediately because it qualifies as a WMD.

~ The fuel gauge doubles as a fan.

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