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    Fly Swatter

    A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly…
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    Things to do when seeing Lord Of The Rings:

    1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait! Where is Harry Potter?"2.…
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    Gardening Help

    An old man living alone in South Armagh, whose only son was in Long Kesh Prison, didn't…
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    Goober Guess

    This goober named Jed was walking down the road one day when he came across his friend,…
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    Goober Travelers

    The following are actual stories provided by travel agents: * I had someone ask for an…
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    Hair Mission

    In dire need of a beauty make-over, I went to my salon with a fashion magazine photo of a…
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    Tournament Weather`

    Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local tournament. As he was…
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    Handy Gadget

    After shopping at a busy store, another woman and I happened to leave at the same time,…
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    Goober Vacuum

    It's been a while since we saw a goober joke on the CleanLaugh list. For those who don't…
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    Einstein At A Party

    Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and…
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    Goober on the Loose

    Three convicts escaped from prison. They made it to the downtown of a nearby city but…
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    Anti-Burglar Signs

    The following are a few simple ways to keep burglars out of the house by putting a few…
  • Tourist asks cabbie if Israel is really a healthy country.

    Healthy Tourism

    Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto, arrived in Israel. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson…
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    Analytical Gunfighters

    Two analytical chemists in the Wild West are on the town's main street, ready to draw…
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    Clunker Leak

    As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One…

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait! Where is Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming, "YOU.....SHALL....NOT..... PASS!"

3. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

4. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mis..ter Ander-sonnn."

5. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way!"

6. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

7. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep," Monty Python style.

8. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout, "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

10. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!"

11. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

12. Start an Orc sing-a-long.

13. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

14. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for a tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

15. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.

16. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.

17. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

18. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"

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