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  • cards

    Card Dog

    A man walked by a table in a hotel and noticed three men and a dog playing cards. The dog…
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    Dental Mommy

    For the first time, my four-year-old daughter Kelsey was coming to my office to have me,…
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    Dispatch Message

    One night at McCord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to check out the security fence…
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    Things It Takes Most Of Us 50 Years To Learn

    1. The badness of a movie is directly proportional to the number of helicopters in it.2.…
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    Ride To Church

    A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to…
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    Reasons Not To Wash

    If you took the same excuses that people use for not going to church and apply them to…
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    Let Us Know

    The following advertisement appeared in a physical culture magazine:"Here's a good test…
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    Traffic Laughs

    * Freeway congestion is getting so bad, you can change a tire without losing your place…
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    Collectable Receipts

    An woman went to traffic violation court for speeding, lost the argument as it always…
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    Scavenger Hunt

    A woman answered her front door and saw a little boy holding a list. "Ma'am," he…
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    Astute Visionaries?

    "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."--Popular Mechanics,…
  • self defense

    Self Defense

    During a practical exercise at a military police base, the instructor was giving the…
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    Buffalo Comments

    Two buffalo were standing on the range when a passing tourist said, "Those are the…
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    "Brake Down"

    My boss' wife Sherry was exasperated with her younger sister, who bought an unreliable…
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    Car Sale

    Judi tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the…

1. Stand up halfway through the movie and yell loudly, "Wait! Where is Harry Potter?"

2. Block the entrance to the theater while screaming, "YOU.....SHALL....NOT..... PASS!"

3. Ask everyone around you if they think Gandalf went to Hogwarts.

4. Finish off every one of Elrond's lines with "Mis..ter Ander-sonnn."

5. When Aragorn is crowned king, stand up and at the top of your lungs sing, "And I did it.... MY way!"

6. Talk like Gollum all through the movie. At the end, bite off someone's finger and fall down the stairs.

7. Dress up as old ladies and reenact "The Battle of Helms Deep," Monty Python style.

8. When Denethor lights the fire, shout "Barbecue!"

9. In TTT when the Ents decide to march to war, stand up and shout, "RUN FOREST, RUN!"

10. Every time someone kills an Orc, yell: "That's what I'm Tolkien about!"

11. During a wide shot of a battle, inquire, "Where's Waldo?"

12. Start an Orc sing-a-long.

13. Come to the premiere dressed as Frankenfurter and wander around looking terribly confused.

14. When they go in the paths of the dead, wait for a tense moment and shout, "I see dead people!"

15. Imitate what you think a conversation between Gollum, Dobby and Yoda would be like.

16. Release a jar of daddy-long-legs into the theater during the Shelob scene.

17. Wonder out loud if Aragorn is going to run for governor of California.

18. When Shelob comes on, exclaim, "Man! Charlotte's really let herself go!"

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