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    Laws of Life

    * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the…
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    Lock Jaw

    In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's veterinarian.…
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    Hans Olaffsen's Laundry

    Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants,…
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    Phrases for When you Receive Unwanted Gifts

    Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presents you would rather not…
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    Dusty Comeback

    My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.One evening my dad returned home from work,…
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    Mad Cow Conversation

    Two cows are conversing in a field. The first one says to the other, "Have you heard…
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    Zeek's Hang Glider

    In the back woods of Gooberland, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek,…
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    Newlywed Breakfast

    "If you'll make the toast and pour the juice, sweetheart," said Tracy the newlywed bride,…
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    Vicar's Surprise

    A rich man went to his vicar and said, "I want you and your wife to take a three-month…
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    Texas Vacation

    A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a…
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    Label Warning

    My in-laws gave us a beautiful knife set--top quality.The accompanying cutting board,…
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    FROLIC Memo

    To: All Employees From: Management Subject: Office conduct during the Christmas season…
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    The Envelope Please

    Morris had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who…
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    Bakery Robbery

    My cousin was behind the bakery's cash register one morning when a gunman burst in and…
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    Horse Looking

    One day a man passed by a farm and saw a beautiful horse. Hoping to buy the animal, he…
1.  Blaming your gas on me....  Not Funny

2.  Yelling at me for barking.  I am a dog you goober.

3.  Taking me for a walk then not letting me check stuff out.  Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

4.  Any trick balancing food on my nose....  Stop it.

5.  Yelling at me for rubbing myself on your carpet.  Why did you buy carpet?

6.  Getting upset when I sniff crotches of your guests.  Sorry but I haven't quite mastered the handshake thing yet.

7.  Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.  Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you are not home.

8.  Taking me to the vet for "The big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.

9.  Dog Sweaters

10.  The slight of hand, fake fetch throws.  You fooled a dog!  What a proud moment for you on the top of the food chain.
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