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    Bear Flight

    During Operation Desert Storm, I was a legislative affairs officer for Gen. Norman…
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    Lost Bid

    Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly…
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    Trip Tickets

    Mr. and Mrs. Frobisher had just reached the airport in the nick of time to catch the…
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    Preacher Tow

    The minister's car wouldn't start and he called the garage to come and tow it in for…
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    Tail Light

    "How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?" demanded the policeman. The…
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    Marry An Actor

    An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand…
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    Computer One-liners - Part 2

    Computer One-liners - Part 2ISDN: I Still Don't kNowISDN: Idiot Services you Don't NeedIt…
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    Hmmmm... Ham Sandwich

    As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce…
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    Noah Glue

    Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the…
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    Awareness Test

    Two paramedics were dispatched to check on a 92-year-old man who had become disoriented.…
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    20 Like You

    A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish…
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    Good Guess

    A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation,"…
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    Wrapping Talk

    A few days after Christmas last year, my six year old son and I were talking.He asked,…
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    School Curlers

    ONE MORNING I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked…
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    Bus Fare to Train Station

    Before boarding a bus, a man asked the driver, "What is the fare to the train station?"…
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

3. Someday, we?ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

5. Ahhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

7. How about never? Is never good for you?

8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

9. I don't know what your problem is, but I?ll bet it's hard to pronounce.

10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

12. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

13. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

14. No, my powers can only be used for good.

15. You sound reasonable ... time to up my medication.

16. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

17. I?ll try being nicer if you?ll try being smarter.

18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

20. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

21. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
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