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More Jokes

  • perfume gift

    Surprise Gift

    The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of…
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    Religious Lady On Plane

    There was a religious lady that had to do a lot of traveling for her business, so…
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    Cultural Ages

    A Hebrew teacher stood in front of his class and said, "The Jewish people have observed…
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    Things Dogs Should Try to Remember

    Things dogs should try to remember: The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff even…
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    Dance Rejection

    A rather awkward freshman finally got up the nerve to ask a pretty junior for a dance at…
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    911 Sees All

    Part of my job as a 911 dispatcher is to interrogate callers who are in various states of…
  • picture of a grandfather

    Grandpa's Manners

    "Grandpa, I'm really proud of you," said the modish young lady. "What's to be proud of?"…
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    Dog Growth

    A distraught dog owner called his vet pleading for an immediate appointment. He explained…
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    "If It" Office Advice

    If it rings, answer it. Talk kindly. If it clanks, call the repairman. If it whistles,…
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    Prison Sentence

    Jimmy was sent to prison for his crimes but he told the warden he wasn't worried at all…
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    Emergency Visit

    A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out.She…
  • F 15 fighter jet

    Recruiting Crisis

    The chief of staff of the Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in a…
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    New Pope

    A high school history teacher was discussing the funeral of the Pope with his class. One…
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    Money Date

    Part way through his dinner date, my brother deduced the woman he was with was more…
  • police pull over

    Speedy Comeback

    The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his…
1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

2. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

3. Someday, we?ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

5. Ahhh ... I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

7. How about never? Is never good for you?

8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

9. I don't know what your problem is, but I?ll bet it's hard to pronounce.

10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!

12. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

13. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

14. No, my powers can only be used for good.

15. You sound reasonable ... time to up my medication.

16. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys!

17. I?ll try being nicer if you?ll try being smarter.

18. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

19. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

20. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

21. Who me? I just wander from room to room.

22. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
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