My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Gonna stop making arbitrary deadlines: starting today.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
What WAS the best thing 'before' sliced bread?
Children seldom misquote you; in fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of bread.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.