One-liners

You always hear people using the phrase working like a dog but when's the last time you saw a dog doing any work?

You know it's going to be a bad day when YOUR picture is on the milk carton.

You know you're a bona fide Catholic, Lutheran or Episcopalian, when you're watching Star Wars, and when you hear May the Force be with you you have an overwhelming urge to respond and also with you.

Frustration: Trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue;" fathers never get a chance to use much of it.