The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Why do they call it "hiring a hitman" and not "ordering takeout"?
"In dog years, I'm dead." - Unknown
I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound perspicacious.
George Burns has some of the best one-liners!
George: Gracie, did the nurse ever happen to drop you on your head when you were a baby?
Gracie: Oh no! We couldn't afford a nurse, my mother had to do it herself.
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
"If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise." - unknown
I just got lost in thought; it was unfamiliar territory.
Tomorrow, which isn't even here yet, will never be the day after tomorrow again.
If anything is on your mind, get it off your chest.
I am not contradicting you!
If I had known how successful I was going to be, I wouldn't have worked so hard when I was young!
The trouble with you is that there's nothing wrong with you.
English is the Lingua Franca par excellence!
I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.