"He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it."
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
"Lazy fact #126744368842085: you were too lazy to read that number."
"Is it just me or does the word skeptical look like it's spelled wrong?"
"It used to be all fun and games."
- Cyclops
"Whoever said that nothing rhymes with orange clearly doesn't know the correct pronunciation of nothing."
"Living with a toddler is like using a blender with no lid."
"Some people say that I'm superficial, but that's just on the surface."
"Where I come from, the valleys are so narrow, dogs have to wag their tail up and down."
- Sam Snead
"Before they made him they broke the mold."
"If we're not supposed to have midnight snacks, then why is there a light in the fridge?"
"Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think . . . in a deeper voice."
- Bill Cosby
Thank you…Black Socks with Sandals, for officially declaring to the world, “I've stopped trying.”
"There are two types of people in this world: Those who can extrapolate from incomplete data"
"Life is too short to remove usb safely."
"Stop anthropomorphizing tools - they hate it."