One-liners

"Buffet" is a French term that means, "Get up and get it yourself."

- Greg Ray

"Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without."

"By doing just a little every day, you can gradually let the task completely overwhelm you."

"By the time you make ends meet, they move the ends."

"Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business."

"Carbohydrates: The stuff that makes food taste good."

"Cats regard people as warm-blooded furniture."

- Jacquelyn Mitchard

"Centipede: An ant built to government specifications."

"Chickens should learn to talk because nobody ever said let's go get a bucket of parrot."

"Christmas -- when what to my wondering eyes should appear, but ten extra pounds on hip, thigh and rear!"

"Christmas is just like any day at the office - you do all the work and one guy in a suit gets all the credit."

"Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like clearing the driveway before it has stopped snowing."

"Cloning is the sincerest form of flattery."

"College - The four year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone."

"DIAPER spelled backward is REPAID; think about it."