It's strange there is a setting on every toaster to completely burn the bread.
1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.
2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calorie free, (rule #1) yours is also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
“Christmas: That time of year when a wife has to separate the men from the toys.”
- Lee Daniel Quinn
Click here to view this edition online!
Oh look, Chicken Thursday!
Wow - I just spotted so many grammatical mistakes in last week's news! I am behind on my emails so I don't even know whom to thank for pointing them out!
When I first saw today's video share, I asked Grandma Cybersalt if she had ever heard of an 18 string harp guitar. When she replied that she had not, I knew we were probably both in for a treat - and I was right!
Click here to watch the video
Enjoy the rest of today's mailing.
~ Pastor Tim
Meowy Christmas from your loving cat.
Aren't I cute? Now leave me alone.
--Ann Bartow
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I've always loved the Christmas Feast.
I've heard this year it's ham.
Too bad I've other plans this time.
Love, Your Pot-bellied Pig named Sam.
--Ed Smith
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FROM YOUR PARROT
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells!
Jingle bells! Jingle bells...
--Kevin Wickart
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You feed, pet and house me.
And I love you for that.
But stop calling me your "kid."
I'm just a stupid cat.
--Brian Jones
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I want to say I love you,
Before anything could spoil it.
So don't look in the living room
That new carpet? I just soiled it.
--John Gephart
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As watchman-cat, I've done my job,
The house is safe once more.
That shiny stuff that stormed the tree
Is dead now on the floor.
--Larry Hollister
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We, your cats, at Christmas say,
Thanks for caring for us each day.
We love this season, all green and red,
And by the way, the hamster's dead.
--Peter Bauer
I never understood how the little drummer boy's parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
"Be a Billionaire!"
and Help
Refugees and
Persecuted Christians
"Christmas is a time when lots of people get Santa-mental."
"It's what you give that makes an impact on this world, regardless of the things you have."
- Jennifer Betts
Sarah and her thirteen-year-old sister had been fighting a lot this year. (This happens when you combine a headstrong three-year-old, who is sure she is always right, with a young adolescent.)
Sarah's parents, trying to take advantage of her newfound interest in Santa Claus, reminded the two-year-old that Santa was watching and doesn't like it when children fight. This had little impact.
"I'll just have to tell Santa about your misbehavior," the mother said as she picked up the phone and dialed.
Sarah's eyes grew big as her mother asked "Mrs. Claus" (really Sarah's aunt; Santa's real line was busy) if she could put Santa on the line.
Sarah's mouth dropped open as Mom described to Santa (Sarah's uncle) how the two-year-old was acting.
But, when Mom said that Santa wanted to talk to her, she reluctantly took the phone.
Santa, in a deepened voice, explained to her how there would be no presents Christmas morning to children who fought with their sisters. He would be watching, and he expected things to be better from now on.
Sarah, now even more wide eyed, solemnly nodded to each of Santa's remarks and silently hung the phone up when he was done.
After a long moment, Mom (holding in her chuckles at being so clever) asked, "What did Santa say to you, dear?"
In almost a whisper, Sarah sadly but matter-of-factly stated, "Santa said he won't be bringing toys to my sister this year."
Featured Illustrations are items well suited for illustrating or inspiring a point in a sermon, speech, or devotional. Funny, moving, or perhaps even graphic, the point of them is the point you make with them.
Rev. James Snyder, God's Penman, writes . . . .
Lately, I’ve been having some fascinating dreams at night. Usually, I don’t give much thought to dreams, but lately, I’ve been thinking more about them.
Last night, for example, I had this exciting dream, and everything seemed to be coming in my direction, and then I woke up before the end. Once I woke up, I did not know how the dream ended.
Read moreThe Cybersalt Digest is a ministry of Pastor Tim and Cybersalt.
In a small Southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it.
One small feature bothered me.
The three wise men were wearing firemen's helmets! Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left.
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!
