Inspiration

A Priest at a Church picnic was staring at a member of his parish wearing the tiniest of bikinis.

A Nun walked over and said, "Shame on you Father, staring at that woman like that!"

The Priest replied, "Sister Mary Elizabeth, I know you to be on a diet, and yet I saw you ogling the buffet."

A police officer pulls over an eighty-six-year-old woman because her hand signals were confusing. "First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer.

"I decided not to turn right," she explains.

"Then why the up and down motion with your hands?" asks the officer.

"I was erasing."

A pig and a chicken were walking by a church where a gala charity event was taking place. Getting caught up in the spirit, the pig suggested to the chicken that they each make an offering

"Great idea!" the chicken cried. "Let's offer them ham and eggs?"

"Not so fast," said the pig. "For you, that's an offering. For me, it's a sacrifice."

A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack.

The patient responded, "Don't be ridiculous. The attack lasted only 6 hours."