Inspiration

I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked "Electronic cat and dog caller-- guaranteed to work."

I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.

Having survived my first driving lesson, I emerged from the car to come face to face with a woman standing on the pavement. "A bit nerve-wracking, was it?" she asked.

"More than that," I laughed, "My instructor has a foul body odor and has a bit of a wind problem. No way do I want a lesson from him again."

"I know the feeling," said the woman coolly. "I've been married to him for 20 years."

Explaining luggage regulations to passengers can be aggravating for flight attendants. One day a woman tried to board with an enormous bag. The lead flight attendant told her why it would not fit, but the woman argued that her bag was a carry-on because it had wheels and a handle.

Without blinking the attendant said, "My Ford has wheels and a handle, but that doesn't make it a carry-on."

Even though I'm well into my 30's I still stop by my parents house to mow their lawn. One afternoon the young kid next door was cutting his grass at the same time.

"It's punishment for skipping a day of school," he explained. "Why are you still doing your folks' yard?"

"Because I once cut a class when I was your age," I said trying to keep a straight face.

I'm told he's had perfect attendance ever since.