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More Musings

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

There's no future in time travel.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Smith & Wesson -- the original point and click interface.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

Corduroy pillows -- they're making headlines!

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

Oh Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!

A good pun is it's own reword.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

More Jokes

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    Dish Shopping

    When visiting her family in Los Angeles, a woman decided to explore a trendy shopping…
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    Parrot Strings

    A parrot was in a pet shop with a string attached to each leg when a man walked in…
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    Cheap Suit

    The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. "But the left arm is a lot longer than the…
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    Ride To Church

    A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to…
  • The Seniors' Serenity Prayer

    Serenity for Seniors

    God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to…
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    Cat Sale

    A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping…
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    Bob Hope Quotes

    Some memorable quotes from Bob Hope:ON TURNING 70 "You still chase women, but only…
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    Something Nice For Dad

    Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his…
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    Top Ten Gift Comments

    What do you say when you get a gift you *Really Don't Like*.10. "Well, well, well, now,…
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    Pupil's Question

    A young pupil asked, "Master, what is fate.""Ah, my son, it is what has brought great…
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    Note From Judge

    During court one busy day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note reading: "Blind on…
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    One-Liners

    If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Nothing in the known universe…
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    It's Not A Cat

    It's not a cat it's...A small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.A wildlife control…
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    When One Shows Up

    A preacher prepared for Sunday morning service, but only one person, a farmer, was there.…
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    Slow Train

    A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger…