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More Musings

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

There's no future in time travel.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Smith & Wesson -- the original point and click interface.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

Corduroy pillows -- they're making headlines!

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

Oh Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!

A good pun is it's own reword.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

More Jokes

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    Deer Hunting

    A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one…
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    Sunday Drive

    Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police…
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    Muffled Workers

    Winters are fierce where he lives, so the owner of the estate felt He was doing a good…
  • coffee cup

    Clean Cup

    Bill and Doug went into a diner that looked as though it had seen better days. As they…
  • Trojan Virus Warning

    Trojan Virus Warning

    Hey Hector, This was forwarded to me by Cassandra - it looks legit. Please distribute to…
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    A Deeper Problem

    Little Johnny had been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten every day since he…
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    Kissing Son

    I was in line at a restaurant. In front of me was a mother with her college-age son and…
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    Noisy Neighbors

    A man was telling his friend about his upstairs neighbors. "They started to jump up and…
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    Computer T-Shirt Slogans - #2

    C:\DOS C:\DOS\RUN RUN\DOS\RUN
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    Grandma's Meat Loaf

    A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make…
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    Traffic Camera

    A man was driving when a traffic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for…
  • picture of a wedding dress

    The Wedding Dress

    Betty was soon to be married. More than anything, she wanted to wear the wedding dress…
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    Dog Employee

    A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a…
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    Late Excuse

    Harry came into the office an hour late for the third time in a week. "What's the story…
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    Baby Talk

    What your baby would tell you if he could talk:1. I have my blankie, you have your…