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    Phrases for When you Receive Unwanted Gifts

    Here are ten useful phrases for responding to Christmas presents you would rather not…
  • chickens

    Chickens in the Sack

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one here. There were two…
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    Rattlesnakes

    Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into…
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    Time To Go

    The pastor was known for the clarity and brevity of his sermons. His talks were well…
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    Movie Night

    My wife was complaining that I spend too much time on the computer, and not enough time…
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    Beware of Dog

    Upon entering a little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying "DANGER! BEWARE…
  • snail

    Sloth Police Report

    A sloth is out for a walk when he's mugged by four snails. After recovering his wits, he…
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    Dress Code

    Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the midwest, my friend…
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    Mouth Surgery

    We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to…
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    Fan Help

    Although I have three sons, it was always my daughter who helped me with chores around…
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    Goober Catch

    If you are wondering what a Goober is, there is a picture of one…
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    Who's Your Daddy?

    While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother…
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    Bear Hunting

    Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for…
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    14 Letters

    Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence…
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    Favorite Flower

    While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Tom and his wife Peg listened to the…

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Energizer Bunny arrested -- charged with battery.

If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Beat the 5 o'clock rush, leave work at noon!

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.

There's no future in time travel.

If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Smith & Wesson -- the original point and click interface.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Who is General Failure, and why is he reading my hard disk?

Corduroy pillows -- they're making headlines!

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Polynesia -- memory loss in parrots.

Oh Lord give me patience, and give it to me NOW!

A good pun is it's own reword.

Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humor

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

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