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    You Know It's Time To Turn Your Computer Off When

    You know it's time to turn your computer off and read a book when ....... 1. A friend…
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    Someone Is Knocking

    A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit his parishioners. All…
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    ESP Banking

    Tired of having to balance his wife Cindy's checkbook, Mike made a deal with her; he…
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    Window Washer

    There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from…
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    Efficient Breakfast

    The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to…
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    What Mom Really Wants

    Top 10 List of what Moms REALLY want for Mother's Day 10. To be able to eat a whole candy…
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    4 Year Old Rider

    Mother asks little Johnny, as they wait for the bus, to tell the driver he is 4 years old…
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    Homework Excuses

    Excuses to give your teacher when you don't do your homework.- I didn't do my history…
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    Speeding Ticket

    A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. She didn't have…
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    One Interest

    A daddy teased his little daughter by suggesting she liked a certain boy in her…
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    Paper View

    I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way through the file that contained my…
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    Accounting Secret

    There was once an accounting firm where the senior CPA knew everything there was to know…
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    Roman Numerals

    One of my college friends asked a group of us for advice on organizing his final report…
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    Redecorating Help

    A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of…
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    Thanks Mom

    When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a…

chef bad- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

- You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.

- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

- Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.

- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

- Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

- The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with bright red bio-hazard symbols.

- Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

- Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.

- Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

- You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.

- Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.

You can find "You Know You Are a Bad Cook When...part 2" here.

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