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    Restaurant Return

    An out-of-towner in New York at the height of the tourist season decided to revisit an…
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    How Do You Spell That

    Lena passed away and Ole called 911. The 911 operator told Ole that she would send…
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    Radiator Cap Repair

    I remember an old car I used to own. You know the kind, ratty and raggedy, driven when I…
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    Perfect Mate

    At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to…
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    Patio Problem

    My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement…
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    Died In The Service

    One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed little Alex was staring up at the large plaque…
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    Hand Signals

    A Florida officer pulls over an eighty-year-old teacher because her hand signals were…
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    Black Canyon Biker

    A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got…
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    You Know You Are From Arizona When

    You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water.You can endure 110 degrees without…
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    New Number Request

    Mom was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A medical billing service…
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    The Patch

    During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed his…
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    Goober Medical Terms

    enign.......................What you be after you be…
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    Deli Tax Return

    The owner of a small deli was being questioned by the IRS about his tax return. He had…
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    Wrapping Talk

    A few days after Christmas last year, my six year old son and I were talking.He asked,…
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    Message Puzzle

    April was puzzled recently by the odd messages she kept getting on her voice mail. Day…

chef bad- You use the smoke alarm as a cooking timer.

- You consider it a culinary success if the pop-tart stays in one piece.

- Your dog goes to the neighbors' to eat.

- Your family buys Alka Seltzer and Kaopectate in bulk.

- When you barbecue, two of your kids hold water guns and the third stands ready by the phone with 911 on speed-dial.

- Your family automatically heads for the dinner table every time they hear a fire truck siren.

- The EPA insists that all your garbage cans be marked with bright red bio-hazard symbols.

- Your microwave display reads "TILT!"

- Your two best recipes are meatloaf and apple pie, but your dinner guests can't tell which is which.

- Your pie filling bubbles over and eats the enamel off the bottom of the oven.

- You've used three boxes of scouring pads and a bottle of Drano and a crowbar, and that macaroni and cheese still won't let go of the pan.

- Pest control companies keep pestering you for your recipes.

You can find "You Know You Are a Bad Cook When...part 2" here.

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