Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, and demands to know what is going on.
"I'm about to close," the surgeon says.
The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no you're not! I'll close my own incision."
The doctor hands him the needle and says, "Suture self."
I was the substitute teacher for a second-grade math class that was learning about groups. In one exercise, pupils were asked to label a group of items according to their common characteristics.
Pictured were onion rings, doughnuts, a bundt cake, and ring cookies. The correct answer would have been that all the items have holes in the center.
But one health-conscious boy's response was, "All of those things contain too much cholesterol."
Three men: a project manager, a software engineer, and a hardware engineer were in Ft. Lauderdale for a two-week period helping out on a project.
About midweek they decided to walk up and down the beach during their lunch hour.
Halfway up the beach, they stumbled upon a lamp. As they rubbed the lamp a genie appeared and said, "Normally I would grant you 3 wishes, but since there are 3 of you, I will grant you each one wish."
The hardware engineer went first. "I would like to live in a huge house in St. Thomas, with no money worries and married to a beautiful woman who worships me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him on off to St. Thomas.
The software engineer went next. "I would like to live on a huge yacht cruising the Mediterranean, with no money worries and married to a beautiful woman who worships me." The genie granted him his wish and sent him off to the Mediterranean.
Last, but not least, it was the project manager's turn. "And what would your wish be?" asked the genie.
"I want them both back after lunch" replied the project manager.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car: "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you!"
Each day, enjoy a CleanLaugh here. Want the latest clean jokes e-mailed directly to you? Subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest at www.cybersaltlists.org.
It's your turn to be funny. Submit your funny caption today.
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
When Pastor Tim finds (or puts) fun things on the net, he posts them here. If you would like to be updated when new things are added, just subscribe to the Cybersalt Digest Newsletter. Enjoy!
Our collection of puns.
Our collection of funny signs.
Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
A great collection of one liners!
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.