Please - I can only ignore one thing at a time.
One-liners
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Just because I have nothing to say is no reason why you shouldn't listen.
I am a firm believer in optimism; because if you don't have optimism, what else is there?
I absolutely refuse to be assertive!
When I want your opinion, I'll tell you what to say.
We can't get a volunteer army unless we draft it.
I have something to say, but I don't know what.
Whenever I look for something, it's always in the last place I look.
What keeps me going is my inertia.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!
If 4 out of 5 people SUFFERS from diarrhea, does that mean that one enjoys it?
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.
The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.
PLOT TWIST: Maybe eating a doughnut wasn't cheating on my diet; maybe going on a diet was cheating on my doughnuts.
How to parallel park:
Park somewhere else.