Entertainment

* Don't turn it on yet, it's not quite ready.

* Step back a bit, I can't get you in the picture.

* Don't worry, it's not used any more.

* Listen, I'm taking a course in chemistry, I know what I'm doing.

* Yes of course the elastic is strong enough.

* I wonder what happens if these two wires touch.

* I thought it tasted rather strange.

* You have driven this before, haven't you?

* And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?

* It's OK, I saw them do it on TV.

1.  As you leave the used car lot, you see the owner rush out with a gigantic smile and high-five the salesman.

2.  You notice that the car phone they threw in "for free" has a direct line to Moes's Towing Company.

3.  The booster cables are not in the trunk but are permanently soldered to the battery.

4.  The hood has been equipped with a push-button device for quick and easy opening.

5.  The "Purchased From" sticker at the bottom of the rear license plate has been removed.

6.  You get a "Good Luck" card from the previous owner.

7.  As you drive up to a service station for gas, the mechanic opens the big door and waves you in.

8.  When you leave for work the next morning, you notice a tow truck parked about a block from your driveway.  As you go by, it silently falls in behind you.

9.  The little "Service Engine" warning signal in the dashboard comes on and reads "Me Again."

My grandson was telling me that he and his three playmates attended different churches.

Then he added, "It really doesn't matter if we go to different churches, does it, Grandma, as long as we're all Republicans?"

There is a formula for figuring out how bed space is allocated. It is called the "Foot Rule". You start by determining the total number of feet (as in those at the end of the legs, not the kind made up by inches). Then you divide that total by the number of feet belonging to the person(s) or dog(s) in question.

This is how it works:

You and husband share your bed with 1 dog. You and your spouse total 4 feet and the dog also has 4 feet. That is a total of 8 feet. The dog has 4 out of

8 feet or 50%, therefore, the dog gets 50% of the bed.

You could work this in reverse as well. You have 2 out of 8 feet or 25% and so does your spouse, so each of you gets 25% and the dog gets 50%.

Now I have 5 dogs. At 4 feet per dog, that is 20 feet. Add to that my 2 feet and we have a total of 22 feet in the bed. I have 2 out of 22 feet which is 1/11th or 9.1% of the bed. The dogs, since they share a total of 20 of 22 feet, get 10/11ths or 90.9% of the bed. Simple isn't it?!

Once I figured out my percentage of the bed space, the next step was to work out the exact area that I am entitled to. My bed is a California King which is approximately 6 ft x 7 ft. Here is the math:

6 ft x 7 ft = 42 square feet

42 square feet = 6048 square inches

9.1% of 6048 = 550 square inches

550 square inches = 45.8 total inches

45.8 inches = 3.8 total feet

In order to determine the exact size of my bed space, I needed to know the percentage of length to width - this comes out to 54% long to 46% wide. When I apply these percentages to my spot:

550 square inches x 54% = 297 square inches 550 square inches x 46% = 253 square inches

297 square inches = 24.7 inches

253 square inches = 21.1 inches

24.7 inches = 2.1 feet

21.1 inches = 1.8 feet

Now that the math's are all done, the figures show that the dimensions of my part of the bed are 2.1 feet by 1.8 feet or in other words, I sleep on my pillow.