Entertainment

Aunt Mary, a spinster of 92, had finally consented to go to a rest home, but strictly on a two-week-trial basis. Consequently, she took a small overnight case with only the bare essentials.

A couple of days later her niece was surprised to get a phone call from her demanding more clothes.

"Please bring me that good black silk, my lavender print, the brown wool..." and she went on and on. Finally after a brief questioning from her niece, Aunt Mary expostulated:

"There are MEN in this place!"

A woman wants the inside of her house painted and she calls a contractor in to help her.  They wander around the house, and she points out the colors she wants.  She says, "Now, in the living room, I'd like to have a neutral beige, very soft and warm." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it.  Then he goes to the window, leans out and yells, "Green side up!"

The woman is most perplexed but she lets it slide.  They wander into the next room.  She says, "In the dining room I'd like a light white, not stark, but very bright and airy." The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it.  Then he goes to the window, leans out, and yells "Green side up"! 

The woman is even more perplexed but still lets it slide.  They wander further into the next room.  She says, "In the bedroom, I'd like blue.  Restful, peaceful, cool blue."

The contractor nods, pulls out his pad of paper and writes on it.  Then once more he goes to the window, leans out and yells "Green side up"! 

This is too much.  The woman has to ask.  So she says, "Every time I tell you a color, you write it down, but then you yell out the window 'Green side up.' What on earth does that mean?"

The contractor shakes his head and says, "I have four goobers laying sod across the street."

A farmer asked his vet to come out to check on his favorite bull who wasn't doing well at all. After checking the bull's vital signs, the vet reached in his black bag and pulled out a rather large pill. He forced open the bull's mouth and crammed the pill down his gullet.

Suddenly the bull jumped up and took off like a banshee, jumping every fence in his way.

The vet exclaimed, "Well, looks like your bull is healed!"

The farmer replied, "Now give me one of those pills. I've gotta catch him!"

I live across the street from a church. 

When my wife's puppy escaped from the back yard we went looking for it. 

She went off in the car and I started to walk around the church calling the dogs name. 

I didn't think anything of it until I noticed some strange looks from people walking in the area. 

The dog's name is Moses.

Patrick Davlin, Used  with Permission