- Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
- Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.
- You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
- One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a person gain five pounds.
- It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
- If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
- I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
- Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
- Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.
- Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
- Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.
- Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
- Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
- If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.
- You don't stop laughing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop laughing.
- I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.
- Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while, and it shrinks two sizes.
- It is bad to suppress laughter; it goes back down and spreads to your hips.
- Age is important only if you're cheese or wine.
- The only time a woman wishes she were a year older is when she is expecting a baby.
- Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.
- Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
- Can it be a mistake that "STRESSED" is "DESSERTS" spelled backwards?
- Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
- Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
Entertainment
- Details
- Details
After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage door so that we could start loading all of the boxes. Just then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn carrying a plate full of muffins.
"Isn't that thoughtful," my husband said to me. "They must have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff."
The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood!"
- Details
I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working along on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.
Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds.
Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collarbone.
Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley.
Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.
At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds.
I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.
In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body.
The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.
I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind.
I let go of the rope!
original author unknown (but performed by many)
- Details
Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room.
The nurse came out of the delivery room and announced to one of the fathers that he was the father of twins. He was delighted and said what a coincidence, since he was a member of the Minnesota Twins team.
A little later the nurse came out again and said to the next father, congratulations, your wife just had triplets. He was so a happy - and said isn't that a coincidence - I work for 3M.
The other father took off like a shot - the nurse ran after him saying where are you going? Over his shoulder, the nurse heard him mumbling something about his work at 7UP.
- Details
When my granddaughter, Ann, was 9-years-old, she was given an assignment by her teacher to write a story on "Where my family came from." The purpose was to understand your genealogy.
I was not aware of her assignment when she asked me at the dining room table one night, "Grandma, where did I come from?" I responded quite nervously because my son and daughter-in-law were out of town and I was stalling until they returned home, "Well, honey, the stork brought you."
"Where did Mom come from then?"
"The stork brought her, too."
"OK, then where did you come from?"
"The stork brought me too, dear."
"Okay, thanks, Grandma."
I did not think anything more about it until two days later when I was cleaning Ann's room and read the first sentence of her paper, "For three generations there have been no natural births in our family."
Subcategories
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An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
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We think Cybersalt's collection of Christmas jokes is the best collection on the net. Right now it features over 70 jokes.
If you've got a Christmas joke we don't yet have, please send it to us so we can add to the collection!
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Games Article Count: 15
Here are the games we have on the site so far. There aren't many but they're loads of fun.
Funny Pictures Article Count: 679
Cybersalt's funny pictures collection has been years in the making and continues to grow. We are also in the process of moving images over from our old site so check back often. Don't forget to check out our funny cat pictures, funny dog pictures, funny elephant pictures, and take your turn to be funny.
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Here's where we keep our funny car pictures.
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Over the years, some of the most popular pages on the Cybersalt site have featured Funny Cat Pictures. We have to admit that even though cats often look at humans like they owe the feline world something (remember dogs have owners and cats have staff), cats aren't as bad as a lot of the press that they get.
And so, whether you are a cat lover or tolerator, we hope you enjoy these funny cat pictures. And, of course, if you have any funny cat pictures you want to share with the world, feel free to send them to us to post here.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
Funny Dog Pictures Article Count: 149
Some say the world can be divided into two types - cat people and dog people. For the cat people of the planet, Cybersalt has the Funny Cat Archive. For the dog people we have this Funny Dog Pictures archive.
It's dedicated to the memory of Maggie - Pastor Tim and family's dog. The SPCA rescued Maggie from Manitoba's Red River flood in 1996 and brought her to British Columbia where she had two short term owners before becoming a part of the Davis household where she preferred adults over kids, picked and ate fruit from trees in the backyard, and very rarely went into water at the beach.
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Here's our funny horse pictures collection.
Funny Christmas Pictures Article Count: 53
We think Cybersalt's Funny Christmas Pictures Collection is the best on the net.
We hope you'll enjoy each one and share them with your online family and friends.
Merry Christmas!
Pearly Gates Jokes Article Count: 541
FunBlog Article Count: 534
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Clean Puns Article Count: 1813
Our collection of puns.
The Best Kept Secret Ever!
An Open Letter to Moms from Kid President
Funny Signs Article Count: 167
Our collection of funny signs.
One-liners Article Count: 1834
A great collection of clean, funny one-liners!
Chicken Humor Article Count: 1
Chickens have grown to have a special place in Cybersalt's heart!