Monthly Archive

A doctor made it his regular habit to stop at a bar for a hazelnut daiquiri on his way home. The bartender knew of his habit, and would always have the drink waiting at precisely 5:03 p.m. One after... read more..

Sign in a nut shop: "No credit cards here. Strictly cashew and carry."... read more..

There are more churches in Las Vegas than Casinos. During Sunday services at the Offertory, some worshipers contribute Casino Chips as opposed to cash. Some are sharing their winnings - some are hopi... read more..

Old lawyers never die. They just lose their appeal.... read more..

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."... read more..

At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole."Are you a pole vaulter?""No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"... read more..

A friend of mine bought a new car that sported an on-board computer. One Sunday morning when he got into the car to drive to church, the digital display lit up. Glancing at the readout, he chuckled at... read more..

The difference between one yard and two yards is usually a fence.... read more..

Don't panic but I'm in hospital. I have poisoned myself. I ate what I thought was an onion it, turned out it was a daffodil bulb.Doctor says I'll be out in the spring!... read more..

See on a sign at an Optometrist's Office:"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right place."... read more..

One day an ape escaped from the Bronx Zoo. They searched for him everywhere, in every borough. They announced his disappearance on the radio and television as well as the newspapers. But, no one re... read more..

One day, the president of the United States was sitting in the Oval Office reading a newspaper to catch on that day's current events. All of a sudden, one of his secret service men burst through the d... read more..

A first grade class teacher, for the "Natural World" section of her class, had a lesson about owls.She explained to the class about how they are nocturnal, how they can swivel their heads so far in ei... read more..

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?He walks around saying, "Yo."... read more..

Man works in a hardware store, and all of a sudden one day, a whole lot of tins of paint fall on him.Of course, he's whisked off to hospital where they manage to clean him up physically, but mentally ... read more..

A guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his Ford E... read more..

Do you think Roman paramedics call IV's 4's?... read more..

Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents.I finally r... read more..

Here's another great pun from Stan Kegel.I took my two sons, ages seven and five, to the playground at our local park. My seven year old was very proud that he was able to read to his brother the sig... read more..

"Whatever you do, when you stop by the auto-wrecking yard, don't park your small car in a spot marked 'Compact.'"- Lil Owens read more..

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windshield that said "Parking Fine."That was so nice.... read more..

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the morni... read more..

Late for work already, I was annoyed to find a strange car in my reserved parking space again. After locating a spot far away, I stormed into my office determined to have the car towed. As the morni... read more..

I was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space. Nothing. Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me."Going out?" I called to them."No," said the man. "Just friends."... read more..

Just as a surgeon was finishing up an operation the patient wakes up, sits up and demands to know what is going on."I'm about to close," the surgeon says.The patient grabs his hand and says, "Oh, no y... read more..

I was told by payroll that they're going to start garnishing my paycheck. It seems pretty silly, but I guess if they want to start tossing some parsley and currants into the envelope every week, it's ... read more..

If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed.... read more..

When the customer started through the grocery checkout line, the bag boy asked, "Paper or plastic?"When the cashier presented the bill, he held out a checkbook and credit card asking, "Paper or plasti... read more..

Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was a salted.... read more..

"A pedestrian is a person who should be seen and not hurt." read more..